Comedic monologues...?

Question

Can you give me a link to a comedic monologue for a woman/girl?

10 points for the best monologue!

Answer 1

Yes. I have done some research on places on the internet where you can find monologues and scripts of all types, including duet acting scripts, film monologues, teen monologues, monologues for girls, women, comical monologues, short comedic monologues, etc. I also answer a lot of questions about how to effectively memorize a monologue or your lines in general as well as about common mistakes that actors often make while performing a monologue for an audition. On this page on my site for new and aspiring actors, you will find all that information including links to the types of monologues you are looking for. http://www.actingcareerstartup.com/comic...

Good luck!

Tony

Answer 2

This comedic female monologue is delivered by an outgoing woman named Roxy. Her boyfriend is a roller-coaster fanatic, and also a bit immature. Therefore, she has decided to break up with him, right in the middle of their roller-coaster ride! Although the character sits most of the time, the actress should feel free to add a lot of movement and facial expressions to simulate the ride.

Roxy:

(Getting into her rollercoaster seat.)

(She’s talking to her boyfriend.)

You and your obsession with rollercoasters.

What’s the name of this one? Oh, “The

Terminatrix.” How nice. Look, Derek, I—

How do I buckle this thing? I got it.

Derek, I think I’ve got enough adrenaline

and funnel cakes in my system, I can finally

tell you what’s in my heart right now.

This might not be the best conversation

to have on the rollercoaster, but if what

I am about to say breaks your heart, you

can just claim that whatever tears might be

in your eyes are due to wind resistance.

(Leans back – the rollercoaster begins going up.)

Oh – here we go! So, what I’m trying to say…

What am I trying to say? Well, we’ve had a good

year. Almost a year.

(She leans forward and bounces up and down just a bit to show the bumpy beginning of the roller coaster.)

Ten months and 22 days. Things

started out bumpy. Sort of like this ride.

And I thought we were headed in the same direction.

(Leans back again.)

But now it feels like we’ve been traveling on two

different tracks. What? Put my hands in the air?

Okay. (Raises hands in the air.)

But really, Derek, where are we headed?

I feel like I’m ready to take the plunge off of the

Marriage Mountain Splash Ride. And I’m not

afraid to get soaked with commitment. You’d

rather spend your time on the bumper cars.

Sure, it’s fun to bump around, but it gets

pretty meaningless after a while. So, that’s why

I think – oh my gosh, this is high up! Is it

supposed to be this high? It’s safe, right?

Anyway, that’s why I’ve decided – Here goes!

(The roller coaster drop begins!)

I’m BREAKING UP WITH YOU!!!! AAAAAH!

I THINK WE SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS!

AND SEE OTHER PEOPLE!!!!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

(She leans to the left.)

So, what do you think?!

(She leans to the right.)

What are you doing? What is this?

(She accepts something from him.)

A ring? You want to marry me? Here comes

another one! Whoa, whoa, aaaaaaah!

You’re crazy, Derek! But - Yes!

I’LL MARRY YOU!!!!

(She lurches to a sudden stop. Catches her breath.)

Let’s do it again!

Answer 3

From the play: Tomorrow’s Wish.

CONTEXT: Juniper is a shy young woman with learning disabilities. She lives in a small town with her grandmother, sheltered away from most of the world. In this scene, she is talking to her cousin, Megan, about her first and only kiss.

JUNIPER:

I kissed a boy once. At least I tried.

I don’t know if it counts if they don’t

kiss back. But I tried to kiss a boy and

it almost worked. Most of the time Grandma

and I don’t get to see folks much, but we

go into town. Sometimes. And Grandma says

I just have to be careful to mind my manners,

and Grandma says I’m real good at being careful,

but sometimes I get so bored in that little

town. Only one video store. Only two churches.

And the park only has two swings and a pool

that never gets filled up anymore. But in our

little town there is a boy named Samuel.

He's a bag-boy at the grocery store. He does

it just right and never squishes the eggs.

And he has red hair and green eyes. And…

(Laughs at the memory.)

Freckles all over his face! And Samuel is so

nice. So nice to me and Gram. He would always

smile and always say “thank you” and “your welcome.”

If he says, “Have a nice day,” then you do. That’s

how good he is at his job. And I always wanted…

I always wanted to be close to him, or to talk

to him, without Gram around. And one day when

Grandma had a really bad cold I got to go to the

store all by myself. And I bought some oyster

crackers and some medicine. Then I got to watch

Samuel all by myself. Watch him do his bag boy job.

I just stared and stared, trying to count all of

those handsome freckles. Then, he asked if there

was anything else I wanted. I just whispered “Yes.”

(Pauses, closes eyes in remembrance.)

And then I grabbed him by the ears and MmmmmmmMM!

(Pretends she’s grabbing and kissing him.)

That was my first kiss. It was the most romantic

moment of my life. Until the manager pulled me off of him.

_______________________

CONTEXT: College-bound Vicky is an assistant-manager of a movie theater. Every geeky, dorky employee is attracted to her. Although she is amused by their attraction, she has yet to fall in love.

VICKY:

I’m the kind of girl who takes pity on poor pathetic geeks who have never kissed a girl. Let’s just say that I like someone who is easily trainable – someone who will truly appreciate me. It’s sad, I know. But hey, I’ll take an ego boost wherever I can get it. Unfortunately, these adorably nerdy boyfriends get boring after a while. I mean, I can only listen to their computer games and mathematic equations for so long. Of course, Stuart’s different in a lot ways. He’s terrible at math, for one. And he’s pretty clueless about technology. But he’s a comic book sort of geek. And a hopeless romantic. He’s pre-occupied with holding my hand. Everywhere we go, he wants to hold hands. Even when we’re driving. And he’s got this new pastime. He keeps saying “I love you.” It was so sweet and wonderful the first time he said it. I almost cried, and I’m not the kind of girl who cries easily. But by the end of the week, he must have said “I love you” about five hundred times. And then he starts adding pet names. “I love you, honey bunch.” “I love you sweet-heart.” “I love you my little smoochy-woochy-coochi-koo.” I don’t even know what that last one means. It’s like he’s speaking in some brand-new, love-infected language. Who would have thought romance could be so boring?  

Answer 4

This site has a bunch of good ones. I used Candy's Bad Day, and it really worked for me.

http://demoening.homestead.com/Comedy1.h...