Comma slices correction?

Question

Jackie lettered in football, baseball, basketball, and track in high school, he impressed a lot of scouts while playing football in junior college, landing him a football scholarship at UCLA. Jackie became UCLA's first athlete to letter in four sports, many people were shocked and disappointed when he left college early to take a job at a government youth camp in order to help his mother financially.

Answer 1

Yeah it's ok

Answer 2

You have way too many commas and run-on sentences.

Here is a re-do:

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Jackie lettered in football, baseball, basketball and track in high school.  He impressed a lot of scouts while playing football in junior college, which landed him a football scholarship to UCLA.  Jackie became UCLA's first athlete to letter in four sports [which ones? add a colon and then list].  Many people were shocked and disappointed when he left college early to take a job at a government youth camp.  He did so to financially help his mother.

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