Comment and name my poem?

Question

I just wrote this, tell me what you think. I don't usually write poems set out like this.. here goes

Why is it....

That your breath echo's in the rain?

Are you attempting to build a rhythm,

That may demolish the pain?

How can you...

Hide your mouth under that veil?

Are you trying to shield your laughter,

Before the storm grows stale?

Why do you...

Swallow the screams in your lust?

Are you trying to grind the surprise,

Into nothing but dust?

Who is it...

In the shelter of that curtain?

Will you hide who you should be,

Until your stranger is certain?

Why can I...

Still smile at your melodious laugh?

Even if it's false,

Even though truth is behind glass?

Answer 1

I like it, it's very good and has a resonance everybody's felt at some point. You could call it ' who are you '

Answer 2

nice imagery

- in my opinion -

if I were to presume to title this, I would opt for -

-hidden

- veiled

- why

- false truths

-sheltered lies

do not heed the jamand's of the world

- there are no original ideas; only new ways to present the old

<or; nothing is new except the teller of the tale>

do not lose your voice due to the inability of others to see your message

thank you for the opt to assist you

have a great day

much luck

Answer 3

I love your poem, it is great in its simple effect and yet powerful in where it leads me as a reader.  As for a title how about simply calling in "Questions".  Keep Writing.

Best Wishes

Answer 4

The word is spelt 'echoes'.

But I'm not trying to be snotty, I really liked it.

'Question' might be a good title.

Answer 5

Although I don't really like poems that rhyme,I found this clever,I like your combination of words ,vaguely reminiscent of e.e.cummings,i.e. seemingly unrelated images coupled together creating an unusual atmosphere.

Keep writing.

It's your poem and personal to YOU,so only YOU can give it a satisfactory title.

Answer 6

THAT WAS SUCH AN AMAZING POEM!!! but what is it about i am really slow so i don't really understand but i am sure if i figured it out i could think of a name!

Answer 7

Why do you...

Swallow the screams in your lust?

Are you trying to grind the surprise,

Into nothing but dust?

Is that supposed to be erotic?

Though it doesn't make any sense, I really liked it. And who said a poem had to make sense?

Titles:

Why, why, why?

Cold Shelter

Underneath the Veil, Through the glass, Behind the screams

Answer 8

I like it, it kinda makes you think about what its trying to say (not really ovbiouvs) I really like the "truth behind glass" because then you can see th truth. The one part I don't like as much is the "before the storm grows stale" but I would name it something like really michevious, but I think that only you can name it, since you wrote it and its your words and feelings.  

Answer 9

do not listen to these people they do not understand poetry

poetry is what you feel

and sweetheart im feeling this one

Answer 10

Sorry - found it boring - been done time and time and time and time and time and time again.

Snoozeville

Answer 11

I really loved 'shelter of the curtain'. It just had such great imagery to it. And you have great vocabulary. I like Breath Echos, as a name. I would get rid of the ellipses' though (...) I just don't feel them. It builds up anticipation, but it breaks up the thought of the reader. But I still love this one. Stay strong

Answer 12

Sporadic thrusts of conjecture and nothingness.

Answer 13

Great job!