Comment my story please?

Question

Now please give this a chance. It is not another g*y/romance/action vampire book. It is more deep thought and religious. Remember it is only an idea and has not been written in any way except right here. Please give me advise and criticism. thanks

A short while before Christ was born, Lucifer was starting a war in heaven, gathering as many angels as he could to control heave. God told an angel that the only way to banish Lucifer was to pierce his heart with a sword that he forged. The angel took the sword and went to Satan and stabbed through his heart. As he pulled out the sword, three drops of blood dropped from the blade and fell to the Earth and landing on three unsuspecting people.

The first was a mentally retarded adult who survived using his vehemence strength to do work on a farm. The next fell on an aristocratic man who received whatever he desired through his wealth and power. The last fell on a feral eighteen year old boy who had lived in the wilderness for years after his village was raided and burned.

After they were touch with the unholy blood, they transformed into terrible creatures and left society.

The worker became completely absentminded, but his strength grew to immense proportions he was called the Baron-ghul. The aristocrat became quick, strong, and cunning, he was called the Leon-ghul. The boy succumbed to the evil and let it transform him into an predator. Quicker than any other, but weaker and couldn't be controlled in any way, He was called the Morn-ghul. They reproduced by infecting victims with their saliva or blood

Although they were abominations, God still loved them and felt responsible for their being, so he would use them to plague evil nations and keep the mindless Baron-ghuls in check. Thousands of years later, the Morn-ghuls have learned better self control and the Leon-ghul have become much more powerful. The Baron-ghul were destroyed years before because they were becoming to powerful for even the almighty to control. Now, the Leon-ghul have become arrogant of their duty to keep balance of evil and have systematically destroyed colonies of Morn-ghuls. The Morn-ghuls havestarted to fight back and the story revolves around a nameless Morn-ghul trying to recruit humans and explain their past history as "God's blade"

I just thought of this one day, and really like the concept. I would like the story to go into more detail of their current and past conflicts. please give me some pointers

Answer 1

Sounds great to me, I'd like to read more. Are you on any writing sites? I'm on http://chapteread.com They have cool features. worth checking out!! and good luck.

Answer 2

     I certainly like the theme.  It's really quite clever.  But I'd be tempted to leave beings like the Leon-ghul and Morn-ghuls out of it.  Why not simply write about their offspring down the centuries?  Perhaps leading up to a final battle about who's to become the Antichrist?  Your idea has a lot going for it, because there are so many directions in which it can go.  If I were writing it, though, I'd stick to where there are only three of these people.  Off the top of my head I can't think of anything else, except to wish you good luck.  It should be a good story.

Mike B