It's my birthday.. But like many years, I always hate this day..Last year, my only first party I ever had was a lame one, when hours before my friends were torturing my mental by making a super lamest pranks--make my only laptop looked like been stolen(actually they hid it) and I was going crazy looking for it from room to room at my hostel, alone by myself from floor to floor. I would never forget how I felt that at same time while I was depressed by my boyfriend cheating on me, he even forgotten to wish me Happy Birthday because he was busy asking his bi-a-tch naked pics.
Back to my childhood time, I never had a real birthday party. My birthday is just like any other day, but I still felt good when my friends wishing me, at least. My parents, never buy me a cake or even remember me for it. I was always grateful had gifts from my bestfriends , even if it is just a card or small cheap handmade ones. I loved them. I only can remember I got beaten and cried hard by my dad on this day.
I come from middle class family, but my family didn't really care about me. I always had wants like toys and such, but everytime I asked for it, they never give. But there's one thing I thankful so much from my dad, when he bought me a monopoly game when I was 14.
Before today, I expected (I have tried not too expected it too much cause I know what I always want it to be would never happen), I EXPECTED to have a gift from my bf, I told him many times, I wanted a teddybear for my bday a month before.. but last night was the super disheartened one when he asked me to go look into a box, and I was like "please2, a surprise please..(maybe not)". I opened the box and found out there was a pant. His quarter of kilo bucks Levi's pant. And I was like, "nevermind..maybe there will be something more later, anything at least". I kept cool rational,trying to be happy...
Hours and hours passes but he never even wish me happy birthday, until I wrote at my Win Live Messenger message "fu-kin lame bday day" then he just realized it and tried to apologize. And that't it, he only said that, birthday is not that important, you got many more birthday. That's it.
Now, I don't know.. I feel so depressed telling that I just want to feel special on this day many times on my head. I want to feel it from my boyfriend. And I want flower, teddybear just like other girls have from their couples because I never get a real one.(The only one I ever got from him was a recycle roses. Roses that given by other couples because he asked from them to give it to me, but I understand, he got no money). I want a surprise. I try to calm myself comparing me with other poor people who are not that luck in their lives.
But the thing is... I HATE MY BOYFRIEND. He cheated on me on my birthday, and he never remembered what date is my bday eventhough we have been together 4 years now. He sucks at everything. But I keep forgiving him when he apologizes and tries to make up things, selling his best words and promises. Knowing that he is that jerk, I also have another spare boyfriend, but he also didn't even remember today is my birthday. I don't know if I am too emotional or immature..or expecting too much......or materialistic.............what should I do? and what you guys think about this? Thanks for reading.....it is relieving to write this and express it out, but it surely more realieving if you guys read it and give an advice...
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