Comment on my poem please??

Question

Dream

Where rain always falls

Where the winds blow sweet music

Where mighty clouds are lighted with shards

Of mauve lightening

Where the cold freezes the raindrops on

The lush trees

And the icicles refuse to melt with the rain

Where darkness and light are equally awaited

Where good and evil are defined

Where carefree laughter and joyous smiles are common

Where sickness is not found

Where death is sweet and the spirits are

Escorted to heaven by god-sent seraphs

Where love is never hindered or wronged

Where I can dance with my love all day long

There lies my escapist dream

Answer 1

its ok i guess

Answer 2

The thoughts don't flow together very well.  Nice imagery in places, pauses would help, like commas that create breathing room, as would punctuation of any kind.  

I'd consider taking out so many of the 'wheres' and knock out so much of the repetitiveness.  Makes for a far more interesting layout and read.

Answer 3

It's actually very good. I enjoy free verse poems more then those that entail a rhyme scheme. It takes more talent to attract a reader this way. Great job and keep writing.

Answer 4

sorry never finished reading it

Answer 5

Beautiful poem with great imagery!

Answer 6

i dont think it flows very well

Answer 7

This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

Answer 8

i wanna go beautifully written

Answer 9

it's really good! i like it a lot! it doesn't rhyme but that just proves that poems don't have to rhyme.

Answer 10

Doesnt rhyme for a poem.

But not bad at all ,keep it up if you like writing you are doing OK! The thought is there.

Answer 11

its ok