Comment on my poem?constructive criticism will be appreciated.?

Question

Making Love…

Beloved,

Your kisses bruises me,

Light a fire,

Purple my heart with love

Fill me with desire…

Whispers, your butterfly touches

Make me scream our secret passion

A stroke here, a caress there

My being, an empty canvass to your creation.

My soul writhes with agony, waiting,

As we dance to our sublime madness, our shared ecstasy,

The world may live, die, survive,

Now, you, my one thought. You? I ? We…?

Tendrils of your love coil deep inside me

In silent awareness of life unborn

Intoxicated, inebriated, drunk, wanton with love

We make love till the morn…

Beloved,

Eyes closed in happy surrender

I lose myself my self to you

Hold my hands and love me forever

I have promised myself to you…

Answer 1

I think this is  beautiful - perfect.......Reason is - that you have created it and this is your poem, your expressions.This is unique.If i was to say` me, a hand, shivers, my ankle.This does`nt sound good but if it came from my heart i don`t care what anyone thought.I can definatley when reading your poem get this emotional feeling.You in my opinion can write a poem well.

Answer 2

Honestly... the bad first:  the 3rd and 4th stanzas seem to be too far-fetched and  overly descriptive.. also if you can get away with "tendrils of your love" as a pleasant thought your a little off the board for me. It seems like s*x with an alien.

The Good: The other 3 stanzas let me see you. There is a touch of innocence mixed with descriptive meaningful words.

No grade, just keep trying to improve on your work. Everybody's written about the moon, the stars the sky... try a lake or a creek, or even a deep well;. You do have promise grasshopper.

Answer 3

great poetry and great ideas of expression of love.....GRAMMAR.....i emphasize grammar dear...but beautiful poetry!

Answer 4

nice!!!

Answer 5

I think it would be better if you switch the first and second stanzas.  Start from a light place and progress to a darker place, but end in a completely enlightened place i think.

Answer 6

I think it is a beautiful piece of writing that is not limited to just making love, but love it’s self. I think you portrayed what we all feel when in love and you did an outstanding job. Keep up the poems and always write from you heart.

Answer 7

good going. a feeling of free expression.

poetic . nice!!!

Answer 8

it's very nice!!!

Answer 9

apropriate tittle,sutable four line quertrain ,nice handeling of rhyme scheme. me -love ,fire-desire (aa,bb).

Extra used words (beloved) is very symbolical.