Comments on my poem? Much appreciated?

Question

Impact, usage, etc.

Thanks. I'm in ninth grade, so don't expect anything amazing.

When blinded by my tears,

The world will be a blurry image

The numbing cold will preserve me

Though no sign of life will be evident

I'll be in a coma

My emotions will torture me

They'll get just close enough

For me to see

But not touch

Never again will I truly feel.

Stay with me one moment longer

Let us laugh one last laugh

And share one last glance

I'll soak it in,

And make it last.

I won't let the clock tick away

So carelessly, so cruely

The one feeling I cannot live without

Is becoming ash

It won't slip through my fingers,

But the wind will carry it away.

My love,

Take me with you,

I'll leave it all behind

You are my light,

Don't leave me in the dark.

Answer 1

wow....i can see that u put all your hearts in every words..since while i'm reading it...i can picture the scenario...i love writing poetry and right now i'm working in a novel..feel free to share opinions..just email me at [e-mail]...