Common-law marriage & adoption through DHS.?

Question

I live in Oklahoma and have been in a relationship for almost 7 years, living as husband and wife. My husband has a sister that has signed over custody of her daughter to the state. We are in the process of adopting her...or so WE thought. After nearly a year of fighting and waiting, filling out papers and waiting, and thinking that we both were going to be on the adoption papers, we found out that his name will be the only name on the adoption papers since we are not "legally" married. We can not get married because he is on disability and will lose his insurance if we do.

I don't have children of my own, he has a daughter. I despirately want a child but can not have them. I am ok with this, but I am completely devastated over the fact that I will not be her "mom" legally. Yeah, I will be her mom, but I want that piece of paper. I NEED that piece of paper.

Anyone ever been through this or something similar before? Any advice?

Answer 1

If he is on Social Security Disability (SSDI) and nothing else (like SSI), then there should be no reason why you two can't get married. Disability Insurance through the government is based on his work history - it has nothing to do with if he's married or anything other than the number of work credits he has based upon how many years he's paid into the system. If he is also on SSI (which is a financial need based insurance) then if you get married your income would be counted together and that would most likely stop the SSI payments.

http://eldercare.uniontrib.com/askpros/p...

Answer 2

I really think you need to consult an experienced adoption attorney who can tell you if it's been done before and how it happened.  Common law marriage and adoption rules are different in every state; maybe you're setting a precedent in Oklahoma.  I would start with lawyers who are affilliated with the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys.