Comparison Essay's Thesis Statement - Is it Good or Does it Completely Suck?

Question

This is for an essay comparing/contrasting two poems, by the way.

"Although Burns uses colloquial banter in her poem to demonstrate how her racial identity can prompt stereotyping and probing, and Randall uses short, simple phrases and an open-ended question in her poem to suggest the oppression she faces, the two poems are similar in the regard that they challenge society's standards of honest discussion of race and identity."

I want my essay to be PERFECT, and I know a thesis is one of the key foundations of an essay, so please let me know how/if I can improve this one. You will get 10 points (+2 just for answering) and all my gratitude if you can help!

Answer 1

You could look into historical background of english literature.

For example the victorian women novelists of the 19th century all had male names because it was then considered improper or frowned upon for women to publish literary works.

George Elliot and Emily Bronte are two examples.

There was a time when even Jane Austin used a male disguise.

That was a time of rigid set roles for everyone male of female alike but especually females however the irony is that these women worked there way around those social rigidities and they are now legendary in english literature.

Answer 2

You might want to break it into two or three sentences; one sentence shouldn't be a paragraph long, and in my experience, professors like thesis statements better that way. You might also want to make a clearer opposition between Burns' and Randall's styles. Lastly, you will want to name the poems in your statement. But your writing style is excellent.