Competitive in-laws-sickos! Help!?

Question

My hubby's brother had a baby in February and I had mine in May. His is breastfed and mine is formula (not gonna explain why). Anyway, he calls every 2 weeks on the dot and wants stats such as weight, height, and developmental milestones. He doesn't even call my baby by her name. Instead he calls her "that baby" such as "just how much does "that" baby weigh now, etc. He says he has to get the "stats" to his wife because she just has to know. This infuriates me sooooo much but I still have to put up with these people as these are my in-laws. One of his brothers already told me that I'm not commited to my child. BTW, I'm very commited to her thank you very much and she has hit all of her milestones early. I stay at home with her and am not a hands off mother by any stretch of the imagination. If anything not breastfeeding has made me a better mother than I had planned on being as I constantly feel that I have to compensate which is a good thing. How would you handle this? If you've got something just as disgusting to say as my in-laws you can keep it to yourself. Thanks for those who are willing to help!

Answer 1

I'd tell him to shut up.  Just because it is breast milk doesn't mean it is good breast milk.  The mother has to eat well for her breast milk to be any good for the baby.  I have no problem with ppl who bottle feed and I dont think it should be a compitition.  I would call him and brag about every new thing my baby does, just so he knows how it feels!

Answer 2

My gma does this to me all the freakin time.  She'll call and if I dont answer she'll call over and over thinking I got kidnapped or something.  She calls to ask what I fed my daughter, ask's if I gave her tummy time, she told me that my daughter was  not developing right because she was not crawling at 4 months old.  When ever she does this Im just a smartass.  Or if she asks what im feeding my daughter I say candy or something bizzare.  I say when they call just say I dont know, I did not weigh/messure her this week.

Answer 3

ahh.

my in-laws are the s***s... mind my mouth .. lol

they wont call my son by his name but by  baby instead.

hes the youngest and closest in age is a year diff.

however they do get their two scense in about my mommy-role.

and how my boyfriend works craazy hours. and i get to stay home on my "big butt!" and do nothing at all.

my boyfriend and i came to an agreement to not let them controll or put us down like that anymore. theres a lot of worse things theyve done but not worth wasting your time too.

i think it would work wonders if your hubby simply let them know. that you are going to compare your child to theirs. it will always be a life long battle between those two children that really. have nothing against eachother besides one being breast-feed and the other formula. but its not like you hear 6 years olds argueing about that everyday haha.

talk with your hubby and let him know just how you feel about this comparisons going on and ask him to help put an end to it.

Answer 4

I would give him totally ridiculous answers that make him feel like an *** until he stops asking.  First, when he says "that baby" say, "Who?  I don't know who you're talking about" and keep doing that until he actually says your daughter's name.  Make a comment about the fact that you were a little confused since he's referring to her as "that baby" instead of by her name.  Then when he asks about her measurements give him some crazy numbers: "Well, she was 5'2" and closing in on 100lbs when we measured her yesterday."  If he presses ask him why he wants to know so badly...if it's because your SIL just "has" to know ask him why it matters.  Perhaps thank him (dripping in sarcasm) for the concern but don't they have their own baby to worry about?  Turn everything around on him until he gives up.  The guy sounds like an idiot that needs to be treated as such.

Answer 5

I would quit answering the phone! Make your husband deal with his brother. It doesn't sound like he is really interested in how your DD is doing, but rather looking for ways to praise himself on decisions he has made raising his child. There is no reason you should have to put up with that, you have your hands full already. Formula feeding does not make you a bad mother and a lot of mothers out there have to formula feed while breastfeeding to compensate for lack of milk. Just keep taking care of that precious little girl and let your hubby talk to his brother from now on. Good Luck to you!

Answer 6

This isn't a comment about your in-laws, but about my life...

I have a cousin who is a few months younger than me.  We went to the same schools growing up and were around each other all the time.  I grew up to be a very good athlete, but didn't care that much about school.  My cousin grew up to love school, but not play sports.  Our parents were constantly comparing us, but we never compared each other.  We knew they did this, but we just laughed at them behind their backs because we thought it was ridiculous.  My aunt even went so far as to say I would never graduate college because she thought that the school I went to was too hard for me.  Turned out that I graduated college before my cousin and was playing two Division I sports.  She turned out to be the idiot for saying that stuff about me.  Don't get sucked into the whole bragging thing because you don't want to look like an idiot, like my aunt did.  We're 23 and grown now and things are still being compared by our parents...and still, we laugh at them.

Answer 7

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your in-laws. Your sister in law is gonna make herself ill comparing the babies like that. Theres always going to be another baby that sleeps longer, eats more and do a bunch of other stuff before yours. She should realize that. Just ignore their comments. How would I handle it? Well, if they asked me how long my baby has slept for I'd say "gosh he slept from 7-7 last night and has been doing that all week." Also be overly nice, that will annoy them even more. Don't refer to their baby as "that baby" refer to him as "my little angel." You never know, one day they may see the error of their ways.

Answer 8

Wow, I totally understand how this would be frustrating.  I would just tell them honestly and very directly how you feel.  Let them know that you feel the two babies are being pitted against each other in a competition and that you don't wish to compete.   If they are wondering where their baby "comes in" when compared to other babies give them a website where they can see the percentiles.

Good luck to you!

Answer 9

Sounds like they are self conscious new parents.  Tell your husband not to give the stats.  He can just say "oh, we haven't had her weighed recently" and change the subject.  If he keeps changing the subject they will get the hint.  Just keep doing your best and don't let them get to you.

Answer 10

Everytime he says 'that baby' just keep saying what baby until they use your little ones name. When they eventually do,  say something like "oh, when you said that baby I had no idea who you were talking about. My child has a name, you see. I'd appreciate you using it". When he calls, ask to speak to his wife instead-it may be that he is the competitive one (men weirdly can be somethimes) and perhaps you talking to his wife will help. If he says she's busy, say that you were aswell, playing with your son, until his phone call interrupted and why isn't he playing with his, since he seems to have so much free time? If you say it with a jokey voice, you can get away with saying it but not offending too much lol! Perhaps ask your husband to have a word and to say it is upsetting you?

Also, ignore their attitudes. Breastfeeding a baby doesn't automatically make you a super mum! Being a MUM does that, feeding doesn't come into it. I was lucky enough to have breastfed my younger 2 sons for 7 months a piece but it was bloody hard work and didn't leave me with much time for anything else. Enjoy your baby, the world be damned because at the end of the day what will your child remember? Being breast or bottle fed? No. Having a mummy who used to cuddle them, sit with them and read books, take them to the park? Yes.

Answer 11

Wow. That's pretty ridiculous. I understand that they are your in-laws, and I commend you for keeping it civil, even though it's obviously made you very upset and you feel as though they are questioning your parenting skills. But, there is a point when all that c**p goes out the window. Defend yourself, girl!!

Next time that snotty a** calls about YOUR child, politely, yet sternly say, " I'm really getting tired of this comparison between our children. And, quite frankly I find your actions very immature. Worry about your kid, and I'll worry about mine."

Answer 12

I would tell ur husband how much it upsets u. also u could try getting an answering machine or call ID phone so when the call u dont have to answer it. thats what i'd do. i don't like it when people put there 2 cents worth in how u should or shouldn't be doing things in your life in general. good luck, hope i helped a little.

Answer 13

Don't answer the phone when they call, or just say things like, you know I really have to go, the baby wants my attention.  

Answer 14

No you do not have to put up with it just because they are your inlaws.

I have nothing to do with mine because they act stupid like that and cause trouble so i choose not to be around them and our son for all the trouble they cause.

As long as you put up with it they will keep on and on so that is why i am so done with mine.