Complicated adoption situation...?

Question

I am new to this board, but I have a very challenging situation with which I need help.

There is this girl who I have known since I was a pre-teen. In fact, I baby sat her from the time she was 4 to right after her 9th b-day. She is now 14 and dropped out of the Church (where I know her from) for a couple of months. When she came back last Sunday, she had a distinct bump and announced that she was six months pregnant. Since she is so young, she wants to have the baby adopted.

Now, my DH and I have been considering adoption, but we already have a baby and another one on the way, and we haven't even hit our 1 year anniversary, yet. I would love to adopt this child, because I like the mother, even though she has made some very bad choices, and I know we could give the baby a good home. However, she would be born only a few months before our next baby is due, and I don't want to have to cope with adoption and my own pregnancy at the same time.

Answer 1

Can you not try to help her parent??

Adoption is complicated - no matter which way you look at it.

Please make sure she reads this brochure -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.

How about taking her in - and becoming a larger and fully loving family - instead of separating mother and child???

If you do end up adopting - contact will be emotional for everyone - but it is what is BEST for the child.

This child needs to know - personally - his/her first family - the one that shares the same looks, talents and personal traits.

This child needs this for better emotional and psychological health.

Better for the child's sense of self - and self worth.

How about giving this baby more people to love - not taking away the one person that this child already loves - with all his/her heart and soul.

Adoption should be about finding homes for those that really really need it - not about separating mother and child - just for the sake of the adults.

Answer 2

well....if you think this might be to hard and too many things at once maybe its best someone else adopts this baby.

myself I am a youth leader at our church with my husband and before I met him I had 2 kids unwed. My first at the young age of 16....

i would take the child myself but if your not good at handeling stress maybe its best to find someone else as the adoptive parents

Answer 3

I know you are in love with the family, but there are so many people out there who would love to adopt a new born baby.  My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years.  If I could find a situation like that I would pass out!  I think that adopting the baby is definately the right thing to do (I teach high school English and I've seen young girls with babies....it's sad.)  But for you to take on sooo much is probably not a good idea.  You should think about helping her adopt her baby, then you can help her, the baby, and you'll be doing something incredible for other people.

Answer 4

It is nice that you want to take this child into your family, but it doesn't sound like the best situation for the child or your soon to be born child. It isn't really recommended to have artificial twins, which is sort of what this baby and your new baby will be. It would be difficult for them to get enough attention, and also I can't imagine the adopted child not feeling a little second to the bio child given the circumstances. I would think the girl could find a better situation with a family that doesn't have the complications you've mentioned. Maybe you can help her find another adoption situation that would be better for all the children involved. If she is going to make an adoption plan she will need a lot of support and tht might be the right place for you to help.

Answer 5

that is a lot of stress on you being preg. i know want this baby but you need think of your baby first. there is alot people  out there that would love to adopt that baby. I would love adopt there baby.

Answer 6

Just go with your gut instinct. If you feel like its the right thing to adopt the child, then go for it! If its not, then you should just support the biological mothers decision.And issues can always be worked past, you just have to consider the effects emotionally and financially. Hope I helped =]

Answer 7

I think it is such a great thing you are wanting to do. But i do think that with you having a baby and one on the way- it might just be too much for you to handle.... You both need to sit down and have a serious conversation and find out what is best for your family....

Answer 8

the children's pastor at my church adopted a 16yr. olds baby that goes to the church!!  the little girls is now 9... she knows who her biological mom is and who her REAL mom is!!  they have an open adoption...but the mother doesn't tend to come around very often!!  they are totally adjusted and honest!!  i think you know what the right thing to do is...and if you trust yourself and God...everything will fall into place!!!  not saying it will be easy!! but definitely rewarding!!!!  Good Luck!

Answer 9

I have a friend who was pregnant and ended up adopting a child around the same time - her children are only about 6 months apart.

Look into the requirements in your state for adoption and go from there. There's a possibility that you won't be eligible to adopt this child because of your pregnancy - because they'll be too close together.

Pray about it with your husband, and follow God's leading!

Answer 10

I know this is a tough situation and you would love to help this young girl out...but you really need to think (and pray) this whole thing through.  Having just gotten married, have a baby and one on the way plus adopting a new baby could really put a lot of stress on your family.  There are so many couples that are not as fortunate as you to have children, whether it is due to infertility or health issues that would love to adopt this baby.  I say for the best interest of your family and this new little one that you talk with the mother about placing the child up for adoption to a family who is longing for a baby.  My BIL and SIL have fertility issues and adoption has been discussed among our family numerous times.  After watching the heartache that they endure every month and every time someone has a new baby makes me feel so terrible for others like them.  This baby would be loved by you and I am not saying you couldn't handle 3 children but maybe letting the baby go to someone in need would be a far bigger blessing.  I am sure that God will lead you all to the best possible solution to a very complicated situation.  I will be praying for all of you!

Answer 11

i think you've answered your own question.  focus on your marriage and raising your own children. also, you can possiblity give this young lady support by  helping her find resources to deal with her unplanned pregnancy.

congrats on your new addition.