Confuse and Need Help?

Question

Forgive me if the following sounds like rambling. As you’ll read, today has not been a particularly good day for me and I’m can’t seem to articulate as well as I’d like to:

I’m not quite sure what to think or feel. My mother and my father have always had a marriage based more on convenience than true love. My mother has a pretty bad temper and since her birthday in June, it has become unbearable. All she seems to be concerned with is the fact that she’s almost 50 and never had the life she wanted. She blames my father and me for this, saying that if she didn’t have to take care of us, she could’ve had a much better life.

Since her birthday, she’s been going out partying with her single friends EVERY night. When she’s home, she does nothing but yell and cuss at my father and me. It’s gotten to the point where my father and I try to be out of the house when she’s home b/c we just can’t take it anymore. Today, my father asked her for a divorce, which she gladly accepted, saying that the biggest mistake she ever made was marrying him.

This is what I’m conflicted about: I know that my mother has never truly loved my father and really has stayed with him all these years b/c of me (he’s a great father). My heart goes out to her because I know it hasn’t been easy. However, a bigger part of me just hates her so much. I hate the way she’s been treating me and my father. I hate that she basically kicked him out today, knowing that he has nowhere to go. I just hate her so much. I myself want to gather my things, move out, and never speak to her ever again. I actually told her today that I hope she burns in h**l.

I don’t know if I’m justified in feeling so angry with her. I know she has had a hard life, so should I be more compassionate towards her? And even if she’s had a hard life, does that really give her the right to treat my father and me this way? Even if I am compassionate towards her feelings, what about my father? He has been nothing but good to her. He truly loves her and has tried his best to make her happy; she’s just not appreciative of it. Am I justified in feeling so angry at her for treating him so badly when I know he’s really tried his best to make her happy? Also, I should mention that the biggest reason I’m so angry with her is that my father’s health is failing him and at best, I think he only has a couple more years to live. I think divorcing him now is just cruel.

Answer 1

It sounds like your mum is feeling guilty about something herself. Thats why shes taking it out on your dad. Its sad if she has 'settled' for your dad all these years but it just sounds abit suspicious. What exactly does she blame your dad for? It sounds as though he treated her right? It isn't right that she has thrown all that in your dads face. She had every oppurtunity to walk away...child or not. It sounds like she is saying these things to cover up a hurt that she is feeling. It my mind you have every reason to dislike her. Try and talk to her though and don't stop until she gives you some answers. She has no right to make your lives a misery how she has. Tell her this and make sure that she knows how u have been feeling.Its not your fault any of this has happened. It sounds like she has been making your lives h**l and for what reason? If she can't give you a good enough explanation then maybe you should start a new life with your dad. I wish you luck with this and hope everything works out ok xx  

Answer 2

well your mother shouldnt regret it because their marriage gave life to you...and i would be mad too if i were you...and if your old enough to make a decision on which parent to live with then go ahead. i know right now your mother is just thinking about herself right now and its bad but later on in life she will regret it...what comes around goes around and dont tell your mom any more things bad like burn in h**l cuz later on in life it will come back to you so if you want to be with your dad then just tell her that you would feel more comfrtable that you'd live with him and that she wouldnt have to blame you anymore...

Answer 3

I'm so sorry! What a horrible woman your mother sounds like! If she hates her life so much, she shouldn't take it out on you and your dad. You still should be compassionate towrds her, and explain to her that it's not your fault or your dad's.