Confused about this? What if? Help me out 10 pts 4 BA?

Question

Here is my question.

Lets say a husband works hard and maybe has 2 jobs to provide and his wife is a homemaker. Lets say the guy works like 12-15 hours a day. When he comes come he is beat and tired and his wife complains about not spending time with her. Then later on the wife goes out and cheat on him. Then the husband finds out and ask her why did you cheat? She says because he had no time for her and she was lonely and leaves him for the other guy?

How come some she could not see that he was doing good. Even if he could not spend time with her she did not appreciate what he was doing?

It is like if you can provide you get left and if you do provide you get left.

Are relationships a catch 22?

I have seen this type of thing happen on Y.A.(on this site)

and on the tv show cheaters.

Do wives want it all? The lover/provider/fun/romantic person?

Not all men have it all same go for women...........

Personally I am not a woman's Captain Savame..... Lol

10 points for best answer

Answer 1

My husband and I are like a team. We both work about the same schedule so we can spend time together. Around the house we both do our share.Yes most wives want it all, but I don't expect my husband to be all lovey dovey when he comes home from work. Women can be selfish. What if tables were turned on me? What if he expects me to be a s*x goddess 24/7, a sugar momma, or funny? Nobody is perfect so I don't expect my husband to be.

Answer 2

  It's a particular type of woman that cheats.  They are known as "MeMe's."   Sometimes women see that their husbands are working hard, but even when they are home for the weekend, etc., the husband does his own things.  The weekends or days off of not spending some time together trickle into the work week.  If tis pattern is continuously repeated it becomes a problem.  Try to remember that it's hard to stay at home with children daily and little or no adult companionship.  Husband's and wives have to make date nights or even a few "our time" hours.  

Answer 3

Yes, we want it all!  So do husbands.  They may want to replace the word provider in their list with supporter, nurturer, mother for their kids, etc.  But, I think we all want the whole package when we marry.  Unfortunately, (a) no one ever gets to have it all, (b) without good communication even getting 1/2 of it all is unlikely.  

Amen, letterstoheather!  

Answer 4

this happened to me. then i took her back. then she cheated again, but this time not because i was not there. this time was because she wanted to be free? i don't get it. why start a new love if the last one was not finished? any ways we men will never win. woman have all the power. when we complain, we are insecure and wussies.  

Answer 5

I think that any wife who sits at home while her husband works two job, and then complains about not spending time together, needs her head examined..

No WONDER they aren't spending time together... umm hello?  the man is working two jobs.

If a woman doesn't like this situation she can do one of two things -- get a job so he doesn't have to work two jobs.  OR leave.

signed, a woman

Answer 6

women need a man they can count on as provider and lover. when she needs to talk she needs someone to listen, when she needs to be held she needs arms to hold her.  Any relationship is a balancing act. Women have the same problem house chores, kids, school programs, dinner and still we have to find time for our men. When the right man and the right woman get together they think of themselves last. Each nurturing the other. That is the relationship that will endure and be worth the balance.

Answer 7

being busy is not enough reason to

neglect your husband duties..

even how much tired are u... make s simple

communication while you eat or while preparing your self to sleep..

I'd rather choose he sleep at me while we were talking than to

make me feel I'm not exist...

A simple word saying - I'm tired & exhaust but

I miss you the whole day...or I wish you were at my side

so I will not experience how to get tired..or simple appreciation

of what simple thing s she do for you..

We don't want it all... It's just that we want you to make us feel

you need us..

Lucha, I tot you were describing your self....lol

by the way, where kitt is coming from?

-------edit--------

hoping u did not describing your self..

you're a good man & you deserve to be happy..

don't compare your soon to be wife to a lifeless car..

your being UNFAIR...

don't let her feel being lonely w/u..

every one desreves to treat right..

Answer 8

unless you communicate and make time for your spouse, they will feel neglected,. that is when cheating starts.

we need to make the time, thats part of love, giving even when you dont want to, and putting your partners needs first.

Answer 9

I would say , if the wife has cheated on him and used the lame excuse of cheating because she was bored and lonely I would get a divorce tell her to find a job and leave. the man was out working his tale off to give her a good home and security and this is what she did to help him out instead of finding a job to help out with the bills . I know good and well that he wasn't going to work like a maniac for ever , just probably long enough to get ahead how dare she do that to him, that's cold as ice to do that to someone who is working and providing for there future.There is someone out there who would love to have a man like that and would be faithful.There is no excuse for her betrayal.

Answer 10

MY oppinion is that she was probably naging you for a while that you are always working and she just wanted some attentioin from you but all she ever got was a tired and uninterested husband. It was not OK for her to go somewhere else because yes I agree with you that you were doing everything to please her financially. But, you missed the part where you should have been a loving, caring, and taking interest in his wife, husband. You sound like a great guy who really did everything you could, but I think you might have been a little but shelfish by not listening to her and coming to some kind of compromise. Im sure she respected you for your hard work, but she got lonely and just wanted her husband to take her out to dinner every once in a while, or watch a movie, or just talk and have fun. I think she just wanted that companionship that was missing from her life, form both of your lives. You chose work over your woman, that aint cool either.  

Answer 11

People are different.  She did not see his workaholic ways as "doing good".  In her eyes he was "cheating" on her by spending all his time at work.  The key here is balance.  There must be good balance in these things for a relationship to work.

Answer 12

This is a classic communication breakdown.  You are busting your butt providing the material things for your wife (and for yourself by the way), while not understanding what she really wants.  You guys have to talk to each other & more importantly, listen to each other.  Make no assumptions, get clear on each others communication. Words & phrases can mean different things to different people, especially between men & women.  Take responsibility for what happened & try to work it out.  Based on the fact she already had an affair & the two of you have an apparent communication problem, I would find an impartial 3rd party to mediate.  

Answer 13

well first, why is he working so many hours? or why isn't she working to help out?. these days with the cost of living as it is it takes both of you to make ends meet. if she were working she would have less time to be bored and lonely and would also be too tired to cheat. No, relationships are not a catch 22. She not very concerned about anyone but her self, her needs must come first. Maybe she would rather have you be a lazy bum, quit working, live on welfare, make love all day, have a bunch of kids, and let the government pay your living.If you ask me there are a lot of women out there who would treat you like a king, let her go, you don't need her.

Answer 14

Okay, this is a huge generalisation, but: Men and women express love in different ways on a practical level.  

In the example you give, the man is thinking that he is showing love for the woman by working hard to provide for her and the children.  It's a shock to find that the woman resents the time he spends away from her, providing.  

For the woman, she sees the time spent away as unreasonable, because what she gets from him in personal time is a tired husband who is just wants to veg out, eat and sleep.  Although rationally she can see that he's providing, emotionally what she really wants is to have him be present and emotionally available and to spend time with her.  

Women generally view the quality of their relationships by the amount of emotional one-to-one interaction they have with that person.  Now, men do, too.  However, the underlying drive for most men is to provide, and that, I think, can cause them to weigh up a situation and do what they think is practical.  They put their concentration on showing their affection through providing financial stability, instead of balancing that need to provide, with spending time with their wives.

Neither person in the equation is wrong from their own standpoint, because they are designed to provide certain things in a relationship. Ultimately, it's all about balancing life, communicating, and appreciating the basic differences between men and women.

Cheating,  is a poor way to solve feelings of neglect.

Answer 15

I think it varies by the women as well as men don't always listen to what there wife is trying to convey to them.  Here, she is telling him that she wants more time with him and needs that connection.  The solution here would have been for him to work less and her to get a job during his job to make up the difference. However, other women prefer to be able to stay at home and be a homemaker over more time with their husband.  I see this mostly happening when the two are not hearing each other out and thus cannot satisfy each others wants. However, I still don't think cheating and divorce are the answer personally but I see where they orginate from.  

Answer 16

Ok Now Its Great that you are a hard worker and all but you are also in a relationship and that takes work too. You should always make time for your partner whether its a 2 days a week or a couple of hours a day. Think about it she is home all day taking care the home then her man comes home and doesnt pay her any mind. Thats not okay you should always put your self in the other persons shoe to try and understand where they are coming from.

Answer 17

well i think she was wrong for cheating on you, she should of tried a little harder to talk it out, and tell you how she was feeling. and you were totally wrong for not giving her any attention. a women needs to feel like a women, and a women you still desired. she needs romantic gestures from her husband. not just i bring home the money. thats not truly taken care of her needs. maybe you could have cooked for her sometimes, and surprise her with a romantic vacation. give her roses just cause.etc.. you fell short on this one. sorry tough love. you might not want to hear it. but the next women you get the show all love, romance, fun, and you can never lose. i know it hurts now, but it's a stepping stone, learn from it, grow from it, and move on to be a better person, a better man, and a better future husband.

                                                       my heart goes out to you man...

Answer 18

My husband was currently promoted and is in the middle of a large project. He started working longer hours and gets very stressed out. He still finds time to talk with me and cuddle but our s*x life has gone down. However, we talk every night even if it's it means that I just listen to him vent about his stressful day. I know how exhausted he is and I take that in consideration. I try to allow him to have some personal time too when he gets home. If a marriage is strong, it can survive any trials. If your spouse decided to cheat "because she's not getting attention from you" deserves to be with the other guy. It also shows that the marraige wasn't strong to begin with. Just my opinion.

Answer 19

I think it has nothing soley to do with you, but she was only thinking of herself and what she could do to be more content, when she should have saw the effort that you have been creating to let her stay at home.  Some women will never get it!  There are those who are so tied up in themselves that they forget to think about what they have (you). If I had treated my husband like this, I would not be given a second chance, lost all his respect, and most importantly it would show that my Love for him was not real.  I am sorry that you have encountered this problem, but I can assure you that there are some of us women out there who have morals and know how to treat and respect the ones that we love.  Best Wishes