Confused don't know what too do

Question

well i'm 18 & i'm wierd I have low confidence but I have that fake kinda hardman confidence if you know what I mean. (if you say a joke about me I will thik you are being derogatory & insult you e.g if you slighty nudge me I will punch you in the face way (figure of speech not literally)

It started when I was in school & went through a bit when the class found out my mum went out with the local Idot (she had a breakdown when I was younger so alot of sh*t happened, like running away from home when I was 5 too move somewhere else etc) so that didn't help. I got worse over the last two years of high school, too a point where I was just so withdraw that I didn't speak too many other of my class mates, so some obviously thought I was a tadd odd.

I left high school (UK) in 2006 all of what I went through meant I did pants at school (shouldn't be an excuse but..) had a gr8 time in college for a few months then I fell out with this girl (which looking back was all my fault & I was real nasty too her & do regret what I did) so I ended up having a break down as I came back into college & ended up crying in the loo (not badly) then just left.

I had a fews months break (spending most inside my house not going out only till weekend, I live in rural wales soo there aint much to do at all as we don't have a car. I started going too the Gym around August & kept on going till January of this year, had a real good time (acted like a nob showing off my muscles & making a fool outa myself by saying I was the Alpha male of the class O.O lol then I just left after 1 set & never went back, then my mood changed went kinda depressed & paranoid, like I thought people were talking about me the usual (nothing Psycho) other people in my college (I went back last sept) noticed a change in me as I was really bubbly before. I finished coll this July & had loads of time in the house so much tht I would kinda go wierd when I was out & about like going really sweaty, yawning & coughing or looking at the floor if people or cars went by. I was fine when I went too Nottingham managed too get out the house for four full days & get some fresh air (living in a wierd situation where I live crappy village in mid wales where there is nought too do)

Well this is the question, I have finished my course & thinking of going too study somewhere else like Nottingham or Hereford too sudy BTEC national diploma in Public service, I don't have many friends round here, I don't go out much people do invite me, bt i just aint gt the confidence too do it & my best m8 left me after he had a GF so there aint much left for me here. but if you were in my shoes what would you do would you try somewhere else or stay in wales & try & change peopes opinions of you???

Answer 1

Wow a lot of stuff here, where do I begin. Sounds like you had a pretty tuff childhood, and now have grown up and are now struggling with social issues, and low self esteem. I'm going to recomend that you call a proffesional therapist, they won't wave a magic wand, but they will teach you how to challenge your thought process. First of all you need to tell yourself that you are worth it, and it is your opinion of yourself that ultimatly matters most. Secondly, sounds like you are struggling with some social anxiety issues, that is something else that a therapist can help you with. Maybe taking some time to deal with your innertormoil would be best for you. But It starts with a call for help. I hated myself for most my life, and have even attempted to end my life, a few times. However it was my desire to live a healthy life that provoked me to call for help. Good luck

Answer 2

Get professional help.  All I have to say.

Answer 3

I am not an expert on this topic but here is my two cents. If I was you and I was bored in a small town than I would move. I probably wouldn't move because of other peoples opinions of me, or at least what I thought their opinions were. The reason I wouldn't move because of people's opinions is because if I am viewed a c3ertain way before I move, when I move I could easily create the same impression, unless I have changed. Another reason is that if I change people's opinions of me would also change. I would also work on my confidence.  

Answer 4

I am sorry you are so unhappy now,i can relate to some of your fears too.My dad was an alcoholic and my child hood was very screwed up,i was ok till my late teens but then i started developing ocd.I liked things ion a certain order or i couldnt sleep,straight lines were my thing,i would get out of bed in the middle of the night to check everything was in order.I was also cruel to my friends and drovr quite a few away with my paranoia and insecurity and im still sorry for that now.I felt powerless against everything and the only way i felt in control was too gain my power by being cruel and being organised about everything,no wonder nobody liked me!

I didnt seek help until my late 20s,because i had ruined a relationship with my behavoiur and knew i had to do something,counselling has changed my life and help me accept who i am and that not everything that happens is down to me.Counselling and anti depressants made me who i am now and im not ashamed of that.You must see your doctor and get referred to a counseller,these people wont judge you or think that you are mad,they will listen and try to help you.Dont worry about taking medication it all helps.

You cannot change peoples oppinions of you all the time but you can learn to accept and not hate them,you can and will be happy one day it just takes some of us longer to get there.goode luck dear x

Answer 5

Time for a change,goo get your qualifications,as for your depression,low confidence will cause that,achieving your aim should help you overcome it.Good luck and don't let the bast*rds drag you down.

Answer 6

If I were you I would move to study - you can then start afresh and you will be surprised how easily you will make new friends and establish a social life - remember, most people are new to uni towns and all need to start a whole new social life. By doing this you will find confidence and then when you go back home to visit, people will see the new you and their opinions will change. Go for it - take the chance - you will come alive and the real you will surface