Confused over foster brother problems?

Question

I'm adopted and from since I can remember my family were friends with a foster carer and her children. I befriended three of them. My family eventually took one of the foster children in when I was 7. I developed a strong bond with him and I was very very proud that I had a brother. Then after several incidents my parents discovered they were not prepared to foster and he had to move out when I was nearly 10. He told me that I meant something to him when he left. I was devistated and I am sure it really traumatised me because I went through a lot of grieving and anger, guilt and feelings that I should have somehow been responsable.

Recently he added me to MSN and bebo and I messeged him once and we had a small conversation. Ever since though he seems to be avoiding me by changing his status to offline or away. I feel he is being a coward because it took a lot of guts for me to open up the messege box and talk to him. I made the effort so why isn't he? I just dont know what to do?

Answer 1

Just give it some time.  You probably opened up some wounds that he needs to deal with.

Answer 2

very simply

both of you have changed since you were 10 LOL

maybe he has changed for the worse and wants you to remember him for who he was when you were 10

or

maybe he just doens't have anything to say to you andi t's just weird ya know

Answer 3

I think the healing has begun.Hang in there things can only get better.Clearly he knows this was no fault of yours.It takes time.This is a tender situation.When feelings are invovled you must let things work themselves out,and they will.Time heals everything.

Answer 4

Just slow down and don't try to force it.  If he needs to talk or wants to re-establish the relationship, he has to do it on his own terms, just as you do.  He's probably scared, as there is certianly a lot of pain there for both of you.  Just try to let it be.

Answer 5

Just try to be patient and helpful and loving. I'm sure there is a TON of hurt feelings he has because he was removed from your home....He probably wants contact with you, but he is also resentfu...Good luck.

Answer 6

He must be going through some turmoil of mixed emotions, just as you are

Hang in there

Answer 7

maybe he is a bit resentful, I mean you don't know how his life has been since he left your house. He may have had a rough life and (unfairly) holds you and your family responsible. Give him time he may come around. That first step of him IMing you was a good start.