Confused! was it rape?

Question

I'm a m*******t, so i like all that stuff like bondage etc. I was at a friend's house a couple of weekends ago and he started fooling around with me. He was throwing me around his room and onto his bed and was forcing himself onto me. I was fighting back and telling him "no, stop doing that, stop" all the time.

After he'd done what he wanted to do, i was crying and he started shouting at me saying he didn't know i didn't want it because i'm into pain and was "giving him mixed signals"

i don't know if that's true or not? Was i giving him mixed signals? Please don't tell me to go to the police because i won't, it's my word against his. i just want to know if i did anything wrong??

Answer 1

depends if you could have stopped him or not.

From his perspective, it depends on how clear you made it to him that you wanted it or didn't want it. Any reasonable person doesn't want to party to rape, but some men just make any excuse for their behaviour and try to take advantage of the situation or mental condition of the victim.

If you didn't want him to do these things to you, and tried to stop it, then it was rape. It doesn't matter what signals you gave. signals actions are two different things, you could go into a shop tell them you're going to buy everything, it doesn't mean you are going to or have to.

To me it seems like your hoping that it wasn't rape, probably because you don't want to be a victim of rape.

You know whether it was rape or not. and without knowing the objective facts of the incident, I cannot say if it was rape or not. However from what little information you have supplied, two thing matter [i] was overwhelming force used by this man, if so then it was rape [ii] did you give adequate objection to what he was doing.

AFTER READING YOUR OTHER QUESTIONS, I FOUND OUT YOU'RE 14. THIS PERSON WHO FORCED HIMSELF ON YOU DID COMMIT RAPE. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG BUT YOU DO NEED HELP

Answer 2

get yourself to a good shrink you were by what you were saying to me here that it was rape but i dont know what your into pain for you need help with that and its best to have a safe word you both agree on before you have violent s*x so you are sure when entering that s/m arena and i believe you should get him nicked before he does that to some one else because he will and next time he could be even more violent to that other person im sorry you went through such an awfull trauma.

personaly i believe s*x should be a warm loving thing not a violent expierience

pain is everywhere in life anyway so s*x should be warm and loving

Answer 3

er, if you are into s and m you are supposed to have a safe word, not "no" something like umbrella means stop so it clearly wouldnt get mixed up in roll play..

er, anyway if you roll play someone usually instigates and agrees that its playtime now. he sounds young and inexperienced and probably shouted at you cuz he felt guilty. actually, if you are into that you should know that too.. you sound inexperienced too.. you didnt do anything wrong, it was a misunderstanding , a very odd misunderstanding..

but how come this guy knows ur sexual fetishes anyway if hes just a friend?? odd.

Answer 4

Only you can answer that becuase only you were there. No point in going to police at this stage. Sorry that happened to you.

Answer 5

you said no

he didn't listen

so, yes it was

you don't have to tell the police but atleast tell a friend or parent about this schools starting soon so maybe you could talk to a guidance counselor  

Answer 6

i would go to the police if i was you, they will see your telling the truth

Answer 7

During the "attack" you said "NO" and no means no. It doesn't matter what you are into, or what your sexual preferences are, no still means no.

You were raped. You need to report this to the Police and it's not your word against his. You said NO and that is where it should have ended, but didn't.

Answer 8

yes it was rape.It dosnt matter what your into he's not blind and he's not deaf so he woulve have seen in your face that you were telling him no.He took advantage and forced himself onto you.He is a rapist.No means NO FULL STOP.

Answer 9

um...RAPE

Answer 10

what ever happened love if you said NO and he forced you to do something you did not want to do then yes he raped you,NO MEANS NO  

Answer 11

"no, stop doing that, stop"

please explain what the mixed signal is there, cos i dont see it

Answer 12

you did not do anything wrong. i would get confused to if i was him.  

Answer 13

If you said no (and did not discuss a safeword) it is rape. You should go to the police so that even if they don't arrest him they will know to watch him so that this doesn't happen to someone else (but if you won't, you should at least at least tell someone close to you or a cousellor/school councellor about it so that you can begin to feel better) if you told him NO then he FORCED himself on you, it doesn't matter what you are 'into'. Just because in certain situations you like pain that doesn't give him the right to rape and violate you against your will.

Pay no attention to that ignorant *** who said that you liked it. He's trying to mess with your head because he has nothing better to do but try to hurt people. You didn't do anything wrong! Just because you like certain pain does not mean you asked him to rape you. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.