Confusing problem ... sorry if I don't make sense?

Question

I am 19 years old, have been dating my bf for 2 years. He has a "friend" from his middle school years, a teacher, who took interest in about 5-6 students, kept in touch with them through high school, and gives them money monthly for college. He also likes to take these guys out for lunch and other events on ooccasion. In the past I have been included for some, he has sent me letters, christmas gifts, etc. But at other times, he makes it clear "No Girlfriends" and I know this is aimed at my boyfriend. He has also talked to my boyfriend about how he needs focus on school, girlfriends will come and go, etc. Is it right for this to bother me? I feel like I should either be included or excluded, not this back and forth business. Also, if he wants to be involved in my boyfriend's lif shouldn't that include me? Since I am such a part of his life?

Answer 1

You are only a part of his life when you are married

And his teacher is correct (and maybe g*y)

Answer 2

I see the reason for it, and it's good, but this decision is your boyfriend's to make...does he want success, or companionship?

If success is his goal, then he should wait until he has himself at a comfortable place in life, then search for companionship, however if you're more important, then he may want to ditch this guy, because you'll be the success of his life if he builds a good life with you, regardless of money or social status.

Answer 3

I agree with you. He's being a jack.a.s.s you should give him an ultimatum, is there a change he might be bi?

Answer 4

If this teacher is a male, then he is probably g*y, and is either doing or hoping to do sexual things with these boys.  More than that, he probably has threatened them to never tell anyone about their situation.  This is not a normal situation, and is very suspect!  He is brainwashing these boys in some way.  Why would a middle school teacher be giving money to a bunch of boys every month?  Middle schol teachers do not make much money!!!  Or, he might be using the boys in porno movies (straight or g*y) and paying them.

I know this all sounds weird, but the situation is VERY weird!

Answer 5

Sounds like it is a "guys" tradition, and they usually want to keep it that way.  And isn't it generally true that girlfriends will come and go, and don't you agree that school should be your boyfriend's (as well as your) first priority while you are in college?  Do you trust your boyfriend to hear this advice and still make the right choices with your particular relationship?  I would rather my boyfriend hang out with a group of guys with this priority rather than wild partying for "guys' night out."  I suggest you respect your boyfriend's ritual, be glad of the times you are included, and the other times plan yourself a "girls' day or night out" and enjoy yourself with friends when your boyfriend has his events so you will not be brooding about it.

Answer 6

yea it should include you. If your boyfriend truly loves you,he won't  just throw you away. Yeah, you should be bothered about it and yeah you are part of your bf's life. People can focus on school and have a gf. It sounds more like the "friend" is trying to control your bf's life. The teacher really does seem creepy to still deal with past students and their personal life's.

Answer 7

Your boyfriend is lucky to have someone to take such an interest in his future. It is also nice that he has included you sometimes in this part of their friendship. Their freindship has nothing to do with you. It should not bother you unless he is trying to break you guys up.  You have to give the other person room in a relationship. Have you ever heard the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" ? When your boyfriend plans to do something with his guy friends you should plan to do something with your girl friends and enjoy the time away from each other. Best Wishes!

Answer 8

That is a very strange situation! I have never heard of teachers being that involved with students even after they have left their class. I think that if he is going to let a teacher sway him to think differently about your relationship then maybe you should also take a second look at it. Also, you need to stand up for yourself in this situation, don't just let something happen because you were to scared to hurt someone, and then end up getting hurt yourself.

p.s. is the teacher g*y, or a pervert?

Answer 9

This guy is acting more like a parent and not a friend. It would bother me. He should either include you or if you really are such a big part of this guys life then he should understand. I understand guys only sometimes but, if he's doing it a lot then your b/f should understand how you feel. Your b/f needs to equalize his time between you to or have a bunch of time for just you 2 to talk things out or you can go talk to the teacher. I think at least one of them would understand. Good Luck

Answer 10

It all depends on how you're boyfriend reacts and acts to this... Can you add more details about it?  You're right to be upset if your boyfriend takes his words too seriously, but if your bf doesn't listen to him that seriously then, don't be upset... just stop going to this events... 'cause it should be just like you say either included or excluded but not mixed...

Answer 11

it is ok to feel bothered. let the teacher know that your boyfriend has a 2 major parts in his life.... the teacher is on the education side... and the other side is full of love... which is where you are... these two parts dont interfere very often. show the teacher that you help him with his education... then the teacher will agree with you.. and he might seem more amicable.

Answer 12

that guy sounds like some pervert

i think thats how you spell it

ignore the teacher (eww) and just dont give your

bf a chance to ever even think that you are a distraction

because your not! and your boyfriends life should SOMETIMES include you ... but maybe not all the time!

and no you are not crazy to think the opposite!

did that make any sense?