Confusion - my mom and abuse?

Question

My parents have been divorced for ten years and seven years ago my mother remarried. She and my stepdad are sometimes verbally and physically abusive of me and my brother (who has mild autism and doesn't understand what they're doing is wrong).

On the last day of school, I wrote a story about a girl who was mistreated by her mother which was kind of autobiographical and I gave it to a teacher and I hoped the teacher or the principal would ask me if something was wrong. I felt guilty, I guess, and I didn't want to just tell, because it was hard for me, and I know it's stupid, but I wanted someone to ask. So on the last day of school, the principal asked, but my stepdad was in the office and I got scared and said nothing was wrong. I know that no one can help me if I didn't tell them I needed it, but I WAS SCARED. Later, I wrote the principal a letter so she would understand the situation, but I know I should have told when I had the chance.

When I got home to my mom's house, she freaked out about the story, because apparently the principal (whom I'd actually trusted) had told my mom about it despite me telling her specifically not to do so, and my mom told me to get out and go stay with my dad and never come back and I said I would and I did.

My dad said I could stay with him as long as I needed to, and even though she's trying to fight it, that's what I'm doing. But last night my theatre group put on a play and she wasn't there and neither was my brother or my stepdad and it just felt so incomplete. I was both relieved, because I didn't WANT her to show up anyways, and sad, because a small part of me was hoping against hope that she'd be there. This really seals the deal, that she won't be there to celebrate my successes, and they are no longer important to me. I feel so incomplete and depressed, when I really shouldn't feel this way. I should feel excited about the play! Is it normal to feel this way? What can I do about it?

Answer 1

That's a totally messed up situation but I'm glad you're out of it.  However it will mess with your head and the conflicted feelings you have are very normal.

Tell your dad that you are having trouble dealing with all of the turmoil and you would really appreciate talking to a therapist about it.  If he cannot afford it, then see the counselor at your school.

In the meantime, if you feel your brother is in danger then you owe it to him to call CPS.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Did you not get what you wanted from writing your story?

It was quite childish for your mother to not show up for your play.

You need to advocate for yourself and let Children's Aid know of the whole situation at your mom's house. Telling your own daughter to leave and never come back is a dead giveaway that there is something wrong.

Answer 3

It's normal for someone to still want their parent's love/affection/support no matter how much they are abused. If your brother has autism and is being abused you need to call Child Protective Services.  

Answer 4

its okay. The good part is that you got the situation under control.

And im sorry that they didnt go to the play. =[ but eventually your mom and stepdad will see what they did was horrribly wrong.

Answer 5

well your mom made a big mistake i think no mother should choose her bf first before her kids your dad seems pretty kool just live life and enjoy it sometimes parents could be jerks and its normal just try not to feel bad because you are rigth and they are wrong ok stay with your dad your mom will end up missing you if she is a good mom if she doesn't well why do you need a bad mom lol ^-^

Answer 6

My dad verbally abused me as a child until I was a teenager. I didn't know it was wrong until I read a book by Danielle Steele where the husband does it to the wife when I was 22. I told my mom and she was horrified. I don't talk to my dad anymore and hate him so much, but at the same time when I was younger I just wanted his love and attention soooo much it was killing me inside that he was treating me like **** (and always told me that I was ****).

It's weird when parents abuse you because even though you hate them for it you still always want their love. My mom used to beat me to a pulp when she suffered from manic depression. I have never really forgiven her for it but I need my mom (every girl does) so today we have a weird love-hate relationship and I just pretend that it didn't happen. She used to tell me I was worth less than **** and that I was ugly and would become a toilet cleaner when I grew up. I need her in my life so I just carry on but sometimes late at night I remember those things and it makes me cry still (I'm 27).

Give it some time and one day you will be able to talk with her again.  

Answer 7

whoa i did exactly what you did exept i didn't tell my principal what happened she quickly knew what was happening when i wrote a story about child abuse. It is normal to feel incomplete and depressed and thats what i felt like the first time i was sent away from home. I also managed to get my brother away from my parents, my parents were crazy (especialy my dad) if me or my brother did somethin wrong he would hit us with belts,hangers,ropes anything he can find but he does worse to my brother just cuz he's older. one time when i was 3 years old he sent my brother outside completely naked where everyone at the side walks can see and all he was doing is kneeling. When something goes wrong your suppose to help the kid feel better not p**s him off and embarass him. thats wut i told my parents when i saw them. My dad just randomly cam up to me and told me that it was for my own good but i disagree. I don't know why im telling you this but i just need somebody to tell this too anyway, keep in mind that you did the right thing and its normal to feel incomplete and depressed.  

Answer 8

good for you,but i would try to get your brother out of there also tell the police if you have too,good luck