Consequences for a 5 year old?

Question

My 5 year old son is having behavioral issues at school. His teacher said he disrupts the class, talks when she is talking, doesn't listen, he waits until last mintue to do his school work, if he even does it. She is starting a behavioral chart for him, and I am suppose to give him the punishment when he gets home if he has done bad. I've taken soccer practice away, he's not allowed to go outside with his friends, no t.v., I make him write sentences over and over (which he seems to enjoy.) I don't know what else to punsih him with. He doesn't have any specific toy he likes, so i can't take that away. What else can I do?

Right now I am almost to the point where I think there are "picking" on him. He brings home disciplinary sheets and the things he gets in BIG trouble for are minimal. He got in trouble yesterday, he got written up and was said it was a "bad day" in computers because he didn't turn his computer off. I could understand if he was yelling, but this isn't that big for me.

Answer 1

ok, dont take things away from him (like toys and stuff) bcoz it wont work.takin TV is good to take, but u HAVE to let him go outside and socialize otherwise he might go wild (like I did when my dad did it to me, bsides I suffered depression from it as well). You should talk with him, that's for sure and ask why is he doing it. explain to him that this has bad effects for his future (job problems, exams etc).

Talk to the teacher, and if you are friends with any of moms from his class ask them if their kids know anything about his behaviour.  

If it turns out that its something with him, try talking to child therapist (by yourself) and just say what the problem is.

A punishment could be cleaning his room, or doing some housejob (it will also help him in future :D . I dont think many kids like that...

hope I helped at least a bit, good luck!

Answer 2

You should shift your views from simply punishing him to find out what is causing this behaviour and getting a handle on it. If I were you I would book a meeting with the teacher to hear the teacher's concerns as well as voicing your opinions on the matter. It sounds to me like he may have adhd or ODD (Oppisotinal Defiance Disorder). Maybe try booking an appointnement with his pedietrecian and have your son tested for adhd. The doctor will prescribe him a drug to help him concentrate better at school. If he acts up in school such as not listening to the teacher or distracting the class, it should be up to the teacher to discipline him more. However it is up to you to make sure he behaves well and completes his homework.

Answer 3

It sounds like he is enjoying the attention he is getting from his behaviours. You said yourself that he seems to enjoy writting sentences over and over again. his behaviours at school get him into trouble and he feels reinforced by the punishment he recives at home (because of the attention) which in turn increases the likelyhood that the undesirable behaviours will be repeated in the future.

Punishment is not a very effective way of changing behaviour. Try Behaviour modification techniques such as positive reinforcement and extinction which are much more effective. Positive reinforcement involves encouraging desired behaviours such as doing homework on time or very simple things like being quiet when someone else is talking through praise or other things like a new toy. this needs to happen while or right after he displays a desired behaviour.

Extinction involves the unwanted behaviours: He thrives on the attention he is getting for those behaviours. Take the attention away from the unwanted behaviours and eventually those behaviours will be  replaced by desirable ones you have given attention to (such as being quiet when others are talking), the undedesired behaviours becoming eventually extinct. It has to be said though that naturally there will be an increase in unwanted behaviours at first using this method (as the previous level has not worked he may think I have to try a little harder, but eventually he will realize that he is not getting the attention this way and will try other ways that may be more desirable). It is difficult to ignore those, i know, but in the end it will be the best for him, you and his teachers.

Also while punishment is not very effective in changing behavious, giving punishment hours after it happens will not show a great result as it is not contingent on the behaviour. there has been too much a gap between his actions and the consequence to adequately relate it to each other (obviously he will know that he is punished for misbehaving but it is much better if consequences are given for specific behaviours as the effects will be greater)

I hope this helped a bit and is not too confusing (a net search may give  a more detailed and cohesive explanation of the techniques: Positive reinforcement, extinction and maybe negative reinforcement (which is not the same as punishment)

Edit:

If he is only doing this in school you may have to get the teacher involved. She needs to deal with the behaviours as they are happening, it is no use to punish at home a long time after it happen, and when he is not actually showing any of the behaviours.  An added complication is of course the attention he is getting from his classmates seeing him as funny, this attention will be almost impossible to completely get rid of. I would say in your case the best thing would be for the teacher to deal with behaviours as they happen. If there is a school psychologist this would be a good place to go as he/she will be able to help you and the teacher to change the behaviours he displays at school.

Answer 4

Punishment isn't always the answer. Schedule a conference with his teacher to discuss what really seems to be going on. If that is still unsatisfactory then consider meetng with the guidance counselor and the principal. Another avenue you may want to explore is that your son like many children these days is suffering from ADHD. My sons had the same issues. I took them to a specialist to be evaluated and they were diagnosed with ADHD. I chose not to go down the medicine route but I found that Behavior Modification worked wonders for them. Whatever you decide, be patient and above all let your son know that you are on his side.

Answer 5

First of all, congratulate yourself on being a mom that cares about her son, as there are a lot of moms who wouldn't try to find things that work.

How is his behavior at home?  Can you sit down with the teacher and ask her what her classroom methods of discipline are and how she handles unruly behavior?  Ask her to define the standards she expects your son to follow. Perhaps discuss with her what EXACTLY she wants you to do with your son?  

Sounds as if you've taken away most of the things that matter to him.  I have always thought that punishment for an indescretion that took place hours ago is a bit lost on a child who's only five.  I have two boys who sufferd through early school years with ADHD and understand your frustration. Perhaps if you can begin focusing on the positive instead of the negative, like his teacher does.  Kids get so much negativity at school that I hate to give it to them at home.

Your son needs to know and understand his boundaries, as well as understand the consequences for his bad behavior.  Picture charts to let him know what to do at what time might help him during school.  If your son's teacher has any training with behavioral problems, this is something she will be aware of.  There are lots of ways to get children to be more aware and therefore more willing to follow the rules.

Gosh, I'm rambling, aren't I?  This is a topic that is very near my heart.  If I can help in any way, just e-mail.

Best of luck with your son and his educational career!

Answer 6

Okay this sounds like the teacher doesn't know how to run her class room, to make you have to discipline your 5 year old  8 hours later.  Well it sounds as if she doesn't know what she is doing.  I can see major things,  but little stupid stuff like not turn your computer off. Your son is a 5 years old.  He is a little boy who has a lot of energy and needs to learn when to turn it on and off.  

If I were you I would have a problem with the teacher.  It is part of her job to be a disciplinary as well, and if she can not make him take a time outs for things that he does... well she is in the wrong line of work.  Do you want a teacher who will be your child's best friend, or do you  want someone who will teach him right and wrong? When she is talking and he interrupts,  waiting to do his school work at the last minute those are not disciplinary problems they are habits that YOU need to break.

He sounds like a social butterfly.  I am willing to bet that he is not the only kid in the class the talks while the teacher is talking.  9 out of 10 time she is having the same issue with other kids as well.  Most 5,6,7, year old don't pay attention.  Some of these teachers expect the kids to be prefect, that just want happen.  It sounds that you are taking enough away from him I would just work on him paying attention and not interrupting  You also may want to cut back on his sugar in take before he goes to school .

I had a teacher once  write up my 5 year old he is 7 now, but he got in trouble because he told some of the other kids to cut their hair and the kids did it.  He was not bulling them that is not who he is ...  he was more of the class clown at times, well the kids did it and he got in trouble.  My wife and I went to the school  and told the teacher that it was not right for my son to be in trouble for what the kids did. Just because he told them to do it did not mean they had too. she agreed.