Considering adoption ,fertility ,something help?

Question

im 26 years old and im feeling vary mixed up i want so bad to be a mother wanted to be a parent sence i was 15 but knew i was not ready me and my husband have gotin preg once and miscared in the 2 month i feel i did something wrong i have many helth problems and the doctor has advised me if we ge pregnet we must have a c section due to my hart im a full time student my husband is un employeed we live sepretly because of the cost of liveing at the moment i have a part time job but dont graduate tell jan from college he is looking for a job i know we dont have a perfict home for a baby but it kills me to think that my clock is ticking we have tried to get pregnit for two years no secsess im losing hope and falling into deep depresion i have worked with infants for nine years and it eats at me that i dont have a child of my own i want a family of my own i dont want to be thirty and just starting a family my husband has mixed feelings what can i do from here please dont be mean this is

Answer 1

Wait until you graduate and have a decent job. That will affect your adoption application.

It's fine that he doesn't work, as long as you make enough, that way he can be the stay at home parent.

Answer 2

Hi Destiny,

I am so sorry for your miscarriage.  You are only 26 yrs.  Work on school and work on your marriage.   If you got pregnant once there is no reason to believe you won't get pregnant again.  I can understand your strong desire to be a mother, i felt the same way.  Part of being a good parent is laying a good foundation for your future children, if given the option.  Don't be in such a hurry, take the time to have a good job and a good strong marriage first.

I was just shy of my 30th b-day the first time i became a mother.  Biologically i had a child at 30, 31 and 36 yrs old.  If i had it to do all over again?  I would have waited a little longer to start motherhood.  I would have enjoyed a couple more years alone with my husband.  You are still very young:)

Answer 3

From reading your previous questions, it sounds like you guys are not stable enough to be parents.  Especially not stable enough to be adoptive parents.  

My advice is to finish school, both of you get a job, move out of your parent's houses and move in together.  If, after actually living together for a year or so, you guys are still together, than maybe try to have a biological child.

You guys need to learn how to work together as a married couple before you bring a child into what I see as a big mess.  I wouldn't suggest you get a dog in your current circumstances, much less a baby.

26 is not too old to have a biological child.  

No sane social worker would approve your home study, as if you were to adopt, you would have to live under the same roof, or, all the people living in your households would also have to be approved to adopt.   One spouse in school while the other spouse is unemployed is also not a very stable environment for a child.  You have a lot of growing up to do.  Even though you are adults, you are acting like children.  If you cannot afford to live together now because of the cost of living, how do you expect to pay for a child?

Answer 4

how 'bout spending your money on english lessons?

Answer 5

I feel your pendulum swaying. Don't worry so much you will always have the option of adopting a puppy, they are so adorable and will give you such unconditional love. They live with you as long as adoptee's do and they don't talk back either.

Answer 6

why would you consider adoption when u know u can get pregnant?u already have once.how long has it been since u miscarried?and secondly being that your in school and ur husband is unemployed and u live seperately due to cost of living means you definetly wont be able to afford a child at this moment,so once you become financially stable then consider your options.

Answer 7

1. You're not ready.

2. My first try resulted in a pregnancy at 38, next time 40.

3. Buy this book when you're ready: http://www.ovusoft.com/

4. Everything will be alright.

Answer 8

You need the following websites for emotional support and future advise for women with similar situation.

1) www.resolve.org

2) www.ivfconnections.com

3)www.rubber-ducky.org

They are free and just need registration. You can rant here for all you wish and will get support, advice, friendship and solace.

Answer 9

As far as your miscarriage I am sorry for that. That said you did not do anything wrong miscarriages happen for a reason there may have been something wrong with the baby.

I am really sorry for your hardships many people are facing them in this bad economy. That said I really think you and your husband need to be living together and he should be employed before you pursue having a child whatever way you go about that. If you all can’t even afford to live together how will you afford adoptions costs or fertility treatments?  Not to mentioned the cost of care for a child.

I read another questions of yours where you pretty much state your marriage is in trouble. If your marriage is falling apart no child is going to be able to safe it nor should that be an expectation of any child. You both need to be adults in that same question about your marriage being on shaky ground, the situation of your in laws not even allowing you to come to their home where your husband is living, your parents refusing to let your husband live with you at your parents place.  

Your 26 I very much doubt your biological clock has begun to tick down. I doubt that will happen for least another 10 years.

Your first priority should be finishing school you only have 6 more months. Your husband first priority needs to be to get a job work for a few months to save up money so that you all can move into a cheap 1 room apartment. Then you both work for a few years and move into a larger apartment if not take a loan if you can and purchase a small home no more then 3 bedrooms.

I realize you want a child and want to be a mother but you need to think realistically in your current situation you wouldn’t even be able to afford a child. You wouldn't be an over the hill mother if you have a child in your early 30's