Considering adoption - pros ans cons welcomed please?

Question

Considering adoption - pros ans cons welcomed please?

Answer 1

pros for this is you can pick out the baby you want by seeing it first. they are loving kids that need homes. remember they are not to be thrown away by you its life committment. they will grow to be healthy young people and love you

well i can't think of anything bad about it. well if there are problems you could easily throw your hands up and want to get rid of them which isn't good either way.

Answer 2

Are you mentally willing to accept the child as your own and treat it as a biological child? These questions have to be answered before adopting. I would recommend adopting a baby or young child. Do you mind me asking why your adopting?

Answer 3

I think that it would be wonderful if you adopted a child because they would be so greatful to you!

Answer 4

Pro's: Giving someone a child that will get all the love they want and need

Giving them a better life than you could or can.

Con's: Once they grow up, find out you gave them away they may hate you or not. They may not want to see you if you find them when they turn 18.

The biggest con: You do not actually know who they are going too, what could happen to them, if they are even getting treated well.

Answer 5

Pro...IF you take in a foster child who already needs a home, then that's about the only pro I can think of.

I have always hated being adopted, I have never felt like I "belong" with my a-family.  It hurts my heart that my mother gave me away, and my a-family keeps on pretending like I was "born to" them, because I was not.

I can't talk about my hurt feelings because everyone expects me to just be grateful I have a home and good parents and so on, but you cannot shove a heart-breaking pain like this forever.

Nobody understand, they don't WANT to understand, they just want to believe that all kids are better off adopted and that losing their real moms is no big deal.

Well I can tell you, it is a big deal, and if you ever do adopt in the future, I sure hope you will be understanding of your adopted kid's feelings, and not try to discourage that kid from talking about, thinking about, or maybe even wantint to find the mother who gave him away.

That doesn't secure your place as the parent, it only builds RESENTMENT.

Answer 6

My best friend was a foster mother for a while and specialized in younger children (ages 2-7 or so).  She happened to be asked to care for a family of one brother and two sisters and absolutely fell in love with these children.  Social Services notified her that they would be eligible for adoption and I don't think they've ever been happier.  The children or my best friend.  I definately think that fostering first is the way to go.  So many children need a loving family and yours may be just the one.  In honesty, I have never known of a "con" with my friend's situation and if there has been one, she's never mentioned it.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Can I suggest that you start with fostering to see how you get on?

If you've not taken children into your home before then it's a huge step. There are plenty of kids that need to be fostered - get in touch with an agency and get some advice. If you enjoy fostering then maybe adoption is OK for you.

Answer 8

Pros - there are a lot of children lingering in the foster care system here in the states and children in orphanages overseas who really and truly do not have parents or other family members who are willing or able to raise them (I'm looking at you Madonna!). In these cases, many times these children want to be adopted or for someone to have guardianship of them, so that they can experience the love of a family. In these situations adoption can be a positive thing if the adoptive parents properly educate themselves and open their hearts and minds to the feelings of the adoptee and what emotions, positive and negative, they are experiencing.

Cons - too many times the children who are being adopted are not the ones who actually -need- a home, they are just going from one capable person's hands to another as the children who really need homes sit and wait. Adoption is a big business, billions of dollars, which has led to some major corrupt practices including child trafficking and coercion of families of origins to place their children. Knowing that so many of our adoptions were unnecessary and caused so much pain for our original families, and the grief and loss of our first parents can cause many less than rosy emotions for many of us adoptees. Of course you can see that not all adoptees do feel this way (though many of us started out with a positive outlook and later express a lot of pain) but many do and your child may be like those of us who feel hurt and objectified by adoption. Also in domestic adoptions the adoptees records are sealed so we cannot find out our medical information, who our parents are, what our original names are, why we are the way we are, what our roots are, etc. On the side of the first parents, so many mothers are told they will get over it, they will heal...more often than not, they never get over it. I have known first mothers who were in their 60s or older who still cried for the loss of their children. The grief they express is unimaginable to those of us who have never lost a child. They were once called heroes, brave, selfless for giving their child to strangers and now they are forever marked with the scarlet letter B, living with the secret shame of giving up their own child. People assume they are drug addicts or promiscuous, and say their children were better off without them or that they deserved to lose their child because of their "sins", as if its not bad enough to lose your child but then made to feel as if you weren't ever worthy of your child to begin with and that they are better off with strangers? Tragic.

Just keep in mind that adoption is supposed to be finding families for children who need them, not finding children for families who want them.

Answer 9

I'm adopted & I am so grateful for my parents. Your children are individuals so everyone will handle it differently.  I am kind of bitter & have a s***w you attitude towards my birth parents giving me up but ultimately I have such great parents that they overshadow any hurt I could feel because I'm very lucky.  My little brother who is also adopted doesn't really seemed phased by it at all and doesn't talk about it much.  I have had friends feel like they were worth less and had a lost sense of identity or felt incomplete but after meeting their birth parents realized life isn't an Oprah special & they were adopted for a reason.  All of us have great parents now & we are fortunate to have them.  

As long as you go through a great agency & have a good agent I think it will be a positive experience to adopt.  I would not recommend trying to rush things by making 1 on 1 arrangements with say for instance a young unwed teen mother or going overseas through their local agents.  There are just too many things that can go wrong and they can reverse their decision too easily.  A lot of red tape to deal with.  It may take a little longer but doing it through a local agency with a good record is the best route.  There are so many kids that need adopted and if you feel like children are what's missing from your life & you know you're ready,willing, & able to have kids in your home then adoption is a great choice. All of that is obviously if you're wanting to adopt.

If it's the reverse situation & you're thinking about giving your baby up for adoption then by all means do!!!! It is the absolute best thing.  If you are even questioning it or don't think you can take care of the child then the most loving thing you can do is give it to a loving home.  Abortion is horrible please do not murder a child just because you can't have it right now.  If you know you don't have the means or abilities to currently give the child proper care then adoption is the only answer.  In my case it was very rare because my parents were actually married & gave me up but per my adoption agent my birth mother wasn't caring for me properly and my birth father wanted me to go to a loving Christian home.  My dad is a minister so that moved them up the list and they got me.  I am in such a better situation now then I would have been with them.  So while I'm slightly angry that I was given up it was the right thing for them to do and I appreciate it.  As for my little brother and friends theirs was the typical situation of a young woman who didn't have the means or desire for a baby and so chose adoption.  It was the best thing for both these women at the time and definitely for the kids.  I know it will be hard to let go and I'm not going to act like it won't be painful through the years but I think knowing in your heart of hearts you did the right thing for you and the child will win out.  Imagine how horrible you would feel if you just aborted it or kept it when you couldn't take care of it properly.  Probablly a lot worse than if you selflessly gave it to a loving home.

Answer 10

Pros: Instead of bringing another baby into this world, you adopt one that needs a loving home.

Every baby or child needs a parent to guide them in the right direction and teach them life's lessons.

You give that baby/child a shelter, a family, food, and most importantly, happiness.

You can chose when the right time to adopt is, and if you would like to adopt from a specific country or a specific gender (say you already had a boy and you really wanted a girl), you can chose that.

Cons: None.  Adopting someone is a great thing if you want to be a parent. Myself, I do not want any children, ever, but if I did, I would certainly adopt.

Answer 11

It really all depends on what type of adoption you do.   International adoption is a little expensive and requires you to travel.  That's the con.  The pro side of it is that your child is yours and no one can come claim him/her after the adoption has gone through (unlike an adoption in the states).  That's the pro.  

US adoption has great bennefits for the kids.  In Florida, college education is free for the child you adopt.  The downside is that the biological parent might want them back at one point or another (I've read horror stories).

Either way, you're giving a fighting chance to a child that truly deserves it.  No cons there.  If you're looking into adopting a child it's because you want to pass on love to another person.  I take my hat off to you.

Answer 12

Well there are some cons I mean the kid can be a trouble maker if they don't like you or just don't  like being with anyone period. They will probably come around if you are patient and don't get angry about it. I think adopting is a good choice because you will be helping those poor kids that don't have a home and some times those foster homes are horrible. They will get way more love than they will in a foster house unless that parent is cruel then they shouldn't have a kid anyways.

Answer 13

Hi, having adopted 2 wonderful children myself I can tell you from experience:

Pro's

Unconditional love (from the child)

Moments of pride

(and heartache but they make the above point better)

A reason to live / get up in the morning / get home etc...

Security for the child (they're not to blame for their history)

You realise what Christmas is about

(both the Christianity and the gift aspects)

You learn who you are (during assessment stages)

See them develop from withdrawn / emotional / dysfunctional children into self assured, confident and "together" little people.

Con's

Time it takes to be accepted as an adopter and having child/ren placed can be so frustrating.

Feeling of intrusion during assessment stage

May disrupt / break down  your relationship with your partner  due to pressure (from each other or outside influences), the arrival of child/ren (they may be jealous of the time you now spend with the child/ren and cannot cope with it)

You become a little hard hearted when you have to "select" the children who you wish to adopt, be aware of this as it is heartbreaking at first, you want to adopt all of them.

Despite the above (all personal experience's) I would not change a day of my life since the date I rang social services and made the first tentative steps into adopting children.

Good luck with your decision, not an easy one to make as it is a huge lifestyle change and you have to do some real soul searching.