Constant fighting and i feel like i am trapped because of our daughter.Help please

Question

I and my wife have been married for a while now and it’s been a good relationship. over the past 4 months there has been some issues, I caught her asking other men for pics of there p***s's as well having a virtual boyfriend who she web cams with while I was at work. She has raised her hand to me once and punched and kicked me because I locked my laptop and desktop (bought them before we where married). Also she wont clean up the house I find my self cleaning it on my days off and when I come home I have to cook. She is a stay at home mom and is an alright mother to our daughter who is 14 months. I really am not happy with this relationship but I don't trust her enough to where I can go and my daughter is alright with out the thought or me not coming back. I do love my wife don't get me wrong but I can't stand it any more and I feel like now the only reason I am still with her is because of my daughter I don't want my daughter to be placed out there in the dark like that. Any suggestions to help her change for the better? Should I just jump ship and cut my losses?

Answer 1

Have you had your wife checked for post-partum depression?  You say you have a 14-month old child and your fighting began 4 months ago.  If she is suffering from depression this would sound right.  Her sudden mood changes and violent streaks are all patterns of depression.  (Think the Yates woman who killed all 5 of her kids)....

Your wife asking to see other men's penises is a sign that she is searching for attention she doesn't feel she is getting at home.  

I would immediately seek therapy for your wife.  Set up a medical appointment with her ASAP.  Go with her.  Tell the doctor everything you told us.  Who cares if your wife gets mad; she needs help.  Have the doctor treat her and refer her to a licensed therapist who specializes in post-partum depression, if this is what they feel she has.

Don't give up hope.  But don't give up either.  Fight for your wife and get her the help she needs.  Good luck.

Answer 2

It seems that you really love your daughter and wife, but you can not be unhappy.  If you are unhappy you will not be able to have any good family times with your daughter and she will remember that.  You need to do what you think is best for you and your daughter. And think if your wife is doing this on the computer then what is she doing and who is she doing it with while you are out of the house,  Are you sure that she is not full out cheating on you?  You need to tell her you are working and stake out the house all day and see what is really going on. If you really want to make this work then you need to sit her down and talk to her and put it ALL out and on the table.  And  tell her if you leave you think that it would be best for you to take your daughter because you do no feel that she is caring for her the way that she needs to be cared for.  Hope that this helps.

Answer 3

i would Divorce her and have a custody battle and fight so you can keep your daughter

Answer 4

Well you must know that when she hits you she is breaking the law. A man cannot hit his wife and a wife cannot hit her husband. You should divorce her and file for custody. Its not healthy to stay in that type of realationship. Since she has hit you, you might be able to get full custody if you want it.

Answer 5

You sound like YOUR BEING THE MOM.

Excuse me, but she has no right to HIT you, or have online boyfriends?!?! wtf.

This is not okay, you have to leave, now.

Answer 6

  How well do you and your wife communicate? You should talk with her about how you're feeling. Not on a day where you're upset about the house, internet, etc. but on a calm day when the baby is asleep. She sounds unhappy too, and although her life may seem great to you (she doesn't have to work, you support her, she gets to stay at home with your daughter, etc.) maybe it's not. It can be hard for some mothers to stay at home all day with the children, especially if they don't have an outlet (play groups, churches, yoga classes, girls night out parties). There can be a number of reasons why she's acting this way, but regardless you two need to communicate with each other.

If it's worth it to you, and her, you can probably save your marriage before it gets worse. good luck! I hope everything works out!

Answer 7

I have been through this too.  My first wife and I were married for 12 years and had two kids.  I was working two job and she was a stay at home mom.  I found out later while she was at my house, she called her old boyfriend from Tennessee.  She would call and then he would call her back.  I cleaned the house, did laundry and dishes, while she was at home watching our two children, watching TV, and talking on the phone.  I would come home to a messy home and I would have to clean too.  I was tired from working two jobs and still cleaned.  I finally stood up to her and said that she was the most lazy person I have ever met and that my family was right about her.  She took my kids while I was at work and went to move in with her sister.  We ended with a divorce because I could not stand it anymore and that she abused my kids.  What helped me out was to go to a church and get involved with a singles group.  I gave my life to God and wanted Him to help me and He has.  I can not tell you what to do, but I would talk to her about this even if it boils down to yelling, but get it off of your chest so that you feel a peace about it.  Counseling is always good if both of you go if you still love her, but love has to be a two-way street.  Hope this helps!

Answer 8

I do NOT believe in staying with someone for the sake of the child.  Its great that you love her and want to work it out but if she doesn't want to work on it, there is no marriage.    You should have knocked her on her azz when she abused you the first time to make sure it wouldn't happen again.  Your wife sounds like a slacker and I feel you should leave her.  

If you have legitimate reasons to think your child's health would be at risk with her, you should file for custody as well.  Plenty men are raising children on their own.  Your daughter needs to be raised in a loving secure home and this does not sound like one.

Answer 9

i suggest you just jump ship. i'm a 15 year old and my parents are fighting, and honestly, i'd rather them just split so i don't have to listen to constant fighting. and what you're wife is doing is stupid, just flat out. like, i think the highschoolers in my school are dealing with the same stuff. if you don't even feel safe in your home, literally, LEAVE. but if you are concerned as of your daughter's safety, take custody.  

Answer 10

you need to spend time with each other.  try to have romance.  what made you to have happiness from start should have it to the end.  for house cleaning she don't work she could find time to cook and clean.  but if you meet her in that way , it is up to her  to change.  NO Romance, No LOVE NO Trust NO healthy REALATIONSHIP.  THOSE BROUGHT IN FILTH STAY IN FILTH