Lets just say the beginning of this year was awesome(not really good, just i didnt feel suicidal). I was manic till june when I hit a mini depression. that ONE week was sooooo horrible.
Right after that i hit a dysphoric mania, which i am in right now. YES, this is very horrible, because all the euphoric c**p is gone and im just angry and guilty.
What I keep fearing is falling into a major depressive episode. I haven't had a full blown one since early 2007, and since then i have been cycling between full blown mania, dysphoric mania/agiatated depression/mixed states.
I am so afraid, I want to go to the doctor, but my insurance does not kick in till second week of sept when college begins, and i am afraid in this month, ill somehow find myself in a depressive episode and possibly s***w up at least 1-2 months of the school term.
What can i do? this is causing me a lot of anxiety, and.... just trust me, depression is the worst feeling in the world. you feel like your life is withering away while you lay around. At least mania brings you energy and a pro-social attitude.
Tags: