Contact BirthFather?

Question

When I was 17, I got pregnat and couldn't keep the baby, so I gave him to a nice family.

Now 16 years later, I am in contact with him. He began contacting me a year ago and now I feel like I have known him for years. I have a picture of what he looks like and he has an old picture of me from years ago(his mother doesn't want me sending pictures).

Legaly he is not allowed to meet me until he is 18(open adoption), but his mother thinks it would be best if he met me now because they are moving to Alanta next year and they really want him to meet me before they move(his father got a job offer in Alanta and they are taking it).

I am excited, he is excited, but I have a question. Should I contact his birthfather aswell? I know he lives in Tennessea, but we haven't talked in 15 yrs. and my son has never met him. I also have kids of my own from my previous marriage(my husband died) that are 8 months, 5, 10 and 12 and they are already shocked they have another brother. Should I contact

Answer 1

I would ask your son.  He may be thrilled to meet his first father now.  But he may also not want you to mediate that meeting.  He might want to meet him on his own terms, at a time of his own choosing.  

I know my first mom has offered to contact my first father for me.  But I didn't want to put her in a position of contacting a man she hasn't seen in decades.  I also don't know how he feels about her, and I wouldn't want him to reject me because of negative feelings about her.

But that's me.  I would ask him.  Let him take the lead.

Good luck to all of you.

Answer 2

Wait until your son asks you about him.  Let HIM decide if and when he wants to make contact.

Of course, you can contact his bio-dad if you want to...and let him know you are in touch with your son.  You can find out if the bio-dad is open to contact at this point.  And you can keep his contact information to give to your son when he asks for it.

I finished my search, but didn't make contact with my birth father until 3 years after meeting my birth mom.  I just wasn't in as much of a rush to contact him.  

Eventually, my birth father asked me for my birth mom's number.  Of course, I gave her HIS number and let her decide to make contact.  They ended up going out on a "date" and remained friends for the rest of their lives. (Both have since passed away.)  

Good luck.  And congrats!

Answer 3

Build your relationship with your son first. Meeting both of his birth parents, dealing with a relocation, meeting new siblings, etc.  might be to much for a 16 year old to handle. Get to know him and his family, if he ask about his birth father then try contacting with the consent of his adoptive family.

Answer 4

i would ask your adopted son and his surrogate parents first, and make sure that its ok with them. if they are ok with it...i dont see why not!!!

Answer 5

I think you should contact the birth father. What if he doesn't want to meet your son, then you have your son wondering what he did wrong or why. If he does want to meet him then you need to tell him you have to take to his parents first but wanted to know how he felt. Also let your son ask first about his birth dad.

  This is wonderful these parents want you two to meet. Most adopted parents don't want this and their is alot of hurt feeling.