My brother and sister in law are a few weeks away from the end of a very long and messy divorce. I have tried to keep contact with my sister in law over the months, and suceeded in getting her to get our kids together on a few occasions (we both have three young children, all almost the same age). I've tried to keep up emails and phone calls, not talking about the divorce, but just doing things together. We've all always been very close: my brother, my sister in law, and my husband and I. My sister in law and I were pregnant together. We spent a lot of time just doing stuff as a family over the years. I was always in and out of town, moving around a lot, so my sister in law was kind of my anchor. She was always there when I came into town for me to hang out with, since most of my old local friends had moved away or fallen out of contact. I cried for weeks when I heard they were getting a divorce. I thought she might think I was just doing stuff with her to gather dirt, so I never talked about the divorce after one initial sit down with my mom and her - where we talked about everything and asked her what she thought. She was like ice that day, and every day since. I've felt like I was staring into the face of a stranger. Another reason I've refrained from talking about the divorce is that she has taped everything. She sends my brother the tapes to listen to. There was no physical abuse in the marriage. She seperated from him on the grounds of verbal abuse and alcholism. I have to admit, they are both equally abusive drinkers. I can see the faults on both sides. My brother refused to talk about the divorce for a long time, but finally started revealing some things to us. My sister in law refuses to answer calls and emails. Finally, I cut off all contact with her. Whenever I see her, which is rarely when she might come somewhere to drop the kids off with my brother, she is all smiles. I have recently found out she is diagnosed bipolar. Yet, I am still have a very hard time letting go! Of course now, the divorce being certain and almost final, all the nasty things have come out. The money grabbing, the custody battle, the accusations and vouches for character.... BUT, I still want to sit down and tell her what I think about all her behavior! I guess I still can't until the divorce is final, since she tapes everything. But, I want to know what happened to her? I want to know why she turned so suddenly. But, would any of this really make me or her feel better? I am determined it would make me feel better! But will it change anything with her? probably not. So, should I bother? How can I let her go?
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