Controlled crying for a one year old?

Question

My baby has just turned one and he is still needing help to get to sleep. I haven't minded at all helping him as I love cuddling him and it's a special time for us. However, it's started being a bit of a problem at night time as I am really tired and he can't fall asleep on his own at all. He used to fall asleep on my shoulder or from breast feeding and then I would put him down in his cot and he would just wake up every couple of hours and that was fine but lately he is worse because I have accidently gotten into a habbit of laying down with him and now he seems to only want to sleep like that now. He sleeps so well when he's next to me too but I know that this isn't a good thing! I am also in the process of weining him off breast. His paeditrician says that he is waking up all the time and can't put himself back to sleep because he is waking up in a different place to where he fell asleep and is startled and wants 'mum' and to try controlled crying as it works! Should I and how do I do it properly. I have tried a couple of times but both times he just kept on crying and didn't even look like going to sleep and he also pooed himself which made me feel really horrible! I also found he was worse when I kept going in there to settle him after the amount of time allocated. Did I put him down at the wrong time? I have no idea when to put him to sleep as I don't really know when he's tired. Please help. Thanks. I am prepared to do controlled crying if it will work but I want to do it properly so that it works quicker for both our sakes as I don't like hearing him crying like that.

Answer 1

Your baby needs to learn how to self-settle. As you have never taught him to do this it is going to be a more difficult road to travel, but worth every bit of trying.

Controlled comforting is a well practiced and well reasearched type of settling. It takes time & comittement, but works well.

You must have a regular bed time routine and sleep in the day also. Dinner, bath, teeth, a book and bedtime.

1. Put baby into his cot and tell him it is time to sleep. Stay with him for 2 minutes, then walk out, yes he will start to cry, yes he will stand up in the cot. Do not return under 2 min. After 2 min return to him, lie him down, do not pick him up or give eye contact to him.

2. After 2 min walk out, and stay out for 4 min this time. Ignore the crying, as he is safe.

3.Contunue to increase the time in and out by 2 min increments, until 10 min is reached. Then 10 min in and 10 min out.

4. The first night it could take up to 1.5 hours for him to settle.

It should become easier each time and should take 3-4 nights before easy settling is achieved.

The other settling technique is the camping out method.

This entails, same bed time routine, but you sleeping in a camp stretcher or bed in your child's room and each night moving your bed further away from your child, closer to the door, until the bed is removed from the child's room.

This technique can be reversed also, with the child's cot being removed from your room in the same manner.

Both techniques work, but you have to be committed to one or another and whatever you do don't give in.

If your child soils his nappy, just get him up to change him and keep going where you left off.

Good luck.  

Answer 2

Of course you don't like hearing him cry like that.  It's not natural to allow a child to suffer and have his needs neglected.  If we still lived in jungles, that crying would attract predators.  It's instinctual to cuddle our children and keep them close by--safety, comfort, home.

Your paed sounds old school.  CIO is not necessary and potentially harmful:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/14/...

http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Here's an alternative to cry it out/controlled crying:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/a...

We bed-share.  Plenty of good sleep for everyone.  I don't need to wean him off the breast (WHO recommends a minimum of two years) and he can nurse when he needs.

Safe co-sleeping:

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/safe.htm...

Answer 3

Since the day we brought our daughter home we have put her in her bed to sleep by herself so I really cant offer a lot of help but I say try it gradually because if you try to put him in his bed every night it will just continue to scare him. Try putting him down for naps at first, then 1 night a week and then 2 nights a week. As for when he is tired, my daughter starts to rub her eyes and get cranky(she doesnt want to play, or anything). Sometimes around her eyes get a little red. Also we bought my daughter this thing from walmart they sell it in the infant department and it has a smiley face on it and it shows shapes on the wall/celing maybe you can get something like that to distract him and eventually put him to sleep. call your dr and ask him how long he thinks that you should let him cry before you go to get him. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I dont have a one year old, so I wouldnt know.. but I dont think I would let my baby cry like that (who knows if I will change a year from now).

isnt there another way you could do it? Maybe you could do some internet research on it.

Answer 5

Honestly there is no real quick way of the Cry It Out method.  What you should do is continue his bedtime routine(if he has one such as a bath,a drink,etc...) but put him in his bed awake.Do not put him in there after he is sleeping because what the doctor said is true.When they fall asleep in one place and wake up in the middle of the night in another they tend to freak out because of the different surroundings. My oldest is 4 and when she falls asleep on the couch or chair and wakes up later in her room she freaks(she also sleep walks so its rough tryin to reassure her that its ok)but that is only on rare occasions that she falls asleep anywhere except her room.

Also it does make the situation harder when he is used to being by mom to sleep and then mom isn't there anymore to help the process.So when you put him in his bed awake and he starts to fuss,let him fuss for a while then go into his room,reassure him that you are still there only in the other room and its time to go back to sleep. Don't talk to him a lot,don't turn the lights on,don't pick him up and do not lay down with him because he will think its time to get up or think that you are going to be there again and then the whole process goes down the drain. He will eventually catch on that its time to be a big boy and sleep without mom there,and fall asleep on his own without problems. This may take a couple days or even a couple weeks but its well worth it in the end.

Best of luck

Answer 6

What my pediatrician told me to do is let my son cry himself to sleep.  She said every ten minutes to go in there, dont say a word, just reassure him that you are there, lay him down and put the blanket over him.  Just don't talk to him, because that will make him more hysterical.  Good Luck!

Answer 7

let him cry

Answer 8

something like this happened to my daughter but the dr told me to put her in bed and let her cry, if she doesnt stop go in there and sit next to him and let him know you are there just dont pick him up...then let him cry.  it may take a few nights but he needs to learn how to selfsoothe

Answer 9

This worked for me with my 18 month old. About a month ago I decided it was time she went to sleep without being rocked. I would read her a book (she has one that tells cute things to do like pat your head) and then I would lay her down, tell her I love her, and blow kisses as I walked out. She screamed like crazy at first! I went in there 5 minutes after she didn't stop. Gave her a hug, layed her back down, and told her I loved her. Then 10 minutes later when she was still crying my husband went in and did the same. It took about 3 or 4 times of this, but she eventually went to sleep. She will still cry now when I first lay her down, but after my first time to go back in there and reassure her I haven't went far, she will go right to sleep!

It is hard and it hurts your heart, but they are not emotionally affected by it! She still hollars for mommy when she gets up!

Answer 10

Babies need more sleep then you might realise! My son is 20 months old now but when he was a year old he only stayed up for about 2 hours then he would go back to bed. Sometimes he didnt fall asleep but just a nap is good also. We never looked at bedtimes as punishment always a nice place to rest and sleep or just read a book.