Controlling parents!!!!help?

Question

ok so heres the story, i'm black and my parents are immigrants from ethiopia. this white guy wanted to marry my sister so my sister talked to my dad about it and he freaked out. he got so mad. they want us to marry a certain race (black), a certain ethnicity (ethiopian), he has to be rich, he has to have a big family AND i have to like him..yeah right..

i'm scared for my future, what if i like a guy who's white, mexican, asian, african american? there is no way in heck my parents would even listen to me if i bring it up.

not only are my parents controlling of our love life but everything else.

i basically lost all my friends because my parents never let me leave the house it's just school and home, school, home. my life is so sheltered if you met me you'd probably think i'm pathetic.

they won't let my 21 year old sister get a job, they threaten her and say they'll stop paying for university.

how can i get my parents to understand it's my life and i need them to trust me and respect my decisions.

luckily i have a while before i start thinking about marriage.

Answer 1

i would say by the sound of things your parents aren't likely to budge on this one. the best you could hope for is to be firm with your decisions as of when they happen and hope your parents will accept your decisions and still stand by you. at the end of the day, this is your life and you have a right to be happy. they may have given you life, but that doesn't give them a right to control it. by all means accept their advice on things, that's what parents are for, but this is your life, you have to make decisions yourself. otherwise, how else are you supposed to learn from mistakes and become a mature adult?

also, your parents should want to support their child no matter what, not bribe them into doing what they want.

Answer 2

OMG! I totally relate on everything you just said!

I wish I can confront my parents but I'm scared so I'm waiting till I graduate high school and move out!

You should do the same

Good luck!  

Answer 3

i think that its your life and your parents shouldnt control who your in love with so if you do fall in love with someone out of your race just wait until your old enough to move mone out and get your own place and be with whoever you want to be with DOESNT MATTER ABOUT THERE COLOR

Answer 4

First generation immigrants often cling to their culture and old ways.  They may never be completely comfortable in their new country.  They may be afraid for their children.  They may stress achievement and success, because that's the reason they came, and they want to know that they made the right decision.

But to their children, the "new country" is home.  They are comfortable there, have grown up knowing the culture, and want to be like their friends.

I think there may be a culture gap and a generation gap in your family. Together, these gaps are going to be hard to bridge.  But I bet your parents are educated, or at least intelligent.  They should be capable of understanding that you essentially live in a different culture from them now, and it's important for your success that you fit in.  You and your sister need to work, have a social life, and be independent. In this country, people choose their own marriage partners, and interracial marriage is common.  It does not harm your chances for success.

I understand that neither of you want to disappoint your parents, but you may have to choose between that and letting them dictate how you will live.  Try your best to communicate.  Enlist the help of a family member or friend of the family if possible. But if that fails, your sister can declare herself financially independent and get a lot of financial aid for college.  She can find a job, move out, and marry whomever she chooses. You can follow that same path when you turn 18. But always let your parents know that you love them and will be their daughter no matter where or how you live.

Answer 5

I understand what you are saying honey but being American-Born and raised or Western Europeon born and raised it is hard for us to comment fairly on this topic as yours is a culture completely foreign to us...your Parents are clinging to their roots and I dont see them changing anytime soon...Best of Luck

Answer 6

That is ridiculous! 21 and can't get a job? I told my kids once their 13 they can start babysitting (one already 13) and as soon as they hit 15 I want them to have jobs! They need to let you go a little bit. Try tobecome more indepedent so they can't threaten anything. Maybe your sister can get a student loan and pay it that way. She can get a job and pay it off slowly.

You're parents sound like they need to start letting you go. Maybe right them a letter/essay about it. Or you can tape yourself on a video camera. That way you can have them listen to your entire thing! Give it to them and as to read/watch BEFORE they judge.