Convincing her to get help

Question

After many years of marriage, the last 10 fairly stressful, my wife is slamming the doors on our relationship and also the great relationship she has had with our daughter. Says she feels like a second class citizen and hasn't been happy for a long time. She refuses to talk to anyone, concerned family or our priest. How can I convince her to go see a professional therapist and get help before she does so much damage to these relationships that it can't be un-done. She has refused when I recommend it. I married her for better or worse, in sickness and health and I don't want to turn my back on her.

Answer 1

You can't convince anyone to get help, they have to want to get help or it won't do any good.  No matter how good your intentions may be or how much you want to help anyone unless they want to get help they won't work in therapy and it will all be for naught.  What you can do is go to therapy for yourself and get therapy for your daughter so that both of you can better understand the situation that surrounds you and get better coping skills to deal with it as it unfolds regardless of what your wife chooses to do.  I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it is the best thing you can do now.  Perhaps if she sees changes in both of you -- or in her daughter when she sees her, she will see the good that comes from therapy and eventually she ***might*** come around to see what therapy can do for her, but it has to be her choice.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hi, not knowing yourself or your wife its difficult to comment, but here's what I'd do.  

Meet her on neutral territory, somewhere that has no emotional connections related to your marriage.  If you love her, tell her you love her and you want to support her through this difficult time.  Maybe ask her if she feels she needs help (she might not feel she does).  Why have things been stressful for so long?  Try to find out why things have been so stressful for such a long time:  sometimes people just get bored in a relationship when they take each other for granted so maybe she needs some excitement?  Sometimes, and I don't mean to sound harsh, people just fall out of love.  Does she feel trapped?  Ultimately if she doesn't want to open up you can't make her - just let her know that you're there for her and want to make things work.  Good luck to you both