Convincing my sister on having a wedding?

Question

My older sister has been talking about getting remarried. She told me she doesn't want to do anything cheesy like say vows in front of family. She isn't much of a romantic either. She is hesitant to invite family to witness anything but would rather just go to the courthouse and get it done. Just like she did the first time. I know she has simpler tastes but she always talked so sadly about the way she got married even before her first husband ran off (b*****d) and she now has children that should be involved in the ceremony.

I would like to throw a small simple wedding for her- a nice ceremony and a small family dinner afterwards. But she worries that this will just draw attention that this is her second marriage and invite negativity. She also associates wedding with the idea of a 200+ wedding and big poofy dress. How can I show her she has other options? Or should I just butt out?

Answer 1

Thats very sweet for you to want something like that for your sister, but honestly, its her deal.

Let her know about the 'newest developments in simple weddings' and let it go.

If she wants it, she'll do it, if not, leave her be.

:-)

Answer 2

Ultimately it is her life and she should do what makes her happy.  But maybe you should help her remember what she said she missed.  Also that weddings don't have this huge event.  It can be simple and easy.  Whatever she chooses she will have to live with it.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

What you have suggested is lovely. It's what a lot of people do for second weddings.

However, if it's truly not what she wants, then it's only up to her and her fiance.

Answer 4

This is a highly personal decision that your sister should make.  You can tell her how you feel, but the final choice is hers.  I can totally understand her feelings.  For my second marriage we went to the court house, and I don't regret it.  I'm really not into big parties, which is really what a wedding amounts to.  

Answer 5

Everyone's right, it is her life, her choice.  However, if you are dead set on doing something for her, ask her if she would be willing to have a dinner party after the wedding (maybe even the day after) but not call it a reception, not have gifts given or anything, no wedding cake, just a big family dinner.  If she still says no, then yes, you should butt out. (And I mean that int he nicest way possible, of course!)

Answer 6

That is exactly how my sister was going to do her wedding.  She and her partner were just going to go to the courthouse and not celebrate, but my parents wanted them to have a special day and not feel they had to "hide" their union (my sister is g*y, but NO ONE in our family cares at all).

So my parents told her they could do what they wanted but that they would really like to hold a congratulations dinner the Saturday after (they were planning to get married on a Thursday because it was their 8 year anniversary).  It was just going to be a small dinner with just our family to show them we loved them and were proud.  Since they didn't mention "throwing them a WEDDING" they agreed to have my parents host a dinner, and even said they would like to invite more family (aunts and uncles from both sides) and maybe a few close friends.

As more planning went into the dinner they decided to have the ceremony at a private "chapel" for the immediate family (just parents and my younger sister and I - acting as bridesmaids that signed the papers) to attend.  We all took a limo down on Thursday and had cake and champaign afterwards, and the dinner ended up being at a hotel with over 40 people attending.

It was a somewhat traditional wedding, but my sister definitely didn't wear a puffy dress (I was surprised that she chose to wear an ivory dress) and it was still very small an intimate.  In the end they were glad that they did celebrate it in some way, just not the typical way.  I was happy for her too because they both deserved to be celebrated like any other couple.

So maybe offer to throw her a dinner (don't expect it to turn into more than that though) and don't mention the word "wedding" to her at all (because of the negative connotation she has to that idea). Even if it isn't the same day, and is just a nice dinner with your family, I think she will appreciate that you care so much about her you want to congratulate her and celebrate for her.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

Have some ideas on how to have a small wedding tell her those ideas.  If she still says that she just wants to go to the court house then say ok it was just a suggestion and that you support her choice.  Then butt out and just be there for her.

Answer 8

Sound like you truly care about your sister.  You put the idea out there..now it is her decision.  Respect whatever her decision is.

Answer 9

Ultimately it is her decision as to the type of wedding she has.  I can definitely understand her hesitation about having a ceremony.  One option is a very intimate ceremony (10 guests or less) at either a local park, a family members  home, or a historic bed and breakfast.  I know in Minnesota the owners of the local Bed & Breakfasts I have spoken to love hosting weddings because they happen during times that they would normally not have other guests staying over and are normally a reasonable alternative that doesn't break the budget.  But remember the choice is your sisters and respect that and drop the topic if she seems uncomfortable with it.  

Answer 10

Let her plan her wedding. Throw a separate party to celebrate it. Don't make it a "wedding reception", I like your small family dinner idea - you don't even need to make her a major focal point, but you can use it as an excuse for a family get-together. (Phrasing it that way might make her more amenable to the situation).

Answer 11

Your intentions are great.  Very thoughtful.  But this is an issue between her and her new husband.  Give her your opinion (once) and then let it go.