Question:

Cops and teachers...

by  |  earlier

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These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers

in

> the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded

> (but, boy, are these funny!)

>

> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and

> has started to dig.

>

> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.

>

> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

>

> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

>

> 5. Your son se ts low personal standards and then consistently

> fails to achieve them.

>

> 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing

> to hold it all together

>

> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.

>

> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

>

> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train

> isn't coming.

>

> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered

> twice a week.

>

> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child

> beat out 1,000,000 others.

>

> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

>

> Part 2

>

> These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos

> around the country:

> 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you

> just went through.'

>

> 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.

They'll

> stretch after you wear them a while.'

>

> 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth

> certificate a worthless document.'

>

> 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

>

> 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's

> the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

>

> 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I

> can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

>

> 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't

> think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift

supervisor?'

>

> 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do

> that again or I'll give you another ticket.'

>

> 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are

> drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

>

> 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you

> go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey

> p**p.'

>

> 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a

> toaster oven.'

>

> 5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

>

> 4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

>

> 3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now

we're

> allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

>

> 2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal

> friend of yours. You know someone who can post your bail.'

>

>

> AND THE WINNER IS....

>

> 1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're

right, we

> don't. Sign here.'

>

>

> P.S. Blessed are the Cracked: For it is they who let in the light.

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6 ANSWERS


  1. omg lol omg lol that iiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssss sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  2. Thank you so much for a good laugh on a Monday morning!!!

  3. Ha ha. I don't live in America, but it sounds like an american police officer, I had an accent inside my head ;). They were very good. My favourite was the last one, the pretty woman one :L.  

  4. omg those where so funny my uncle is a cop and he read those and laughed

  5. ROTFL.. I am having a horrible Monday, but these jokes just brightened up the day.. Thx

  6. very good
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