These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers
in
> the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded
> (but, boy, are these funny!)
>
> 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and
> has started to dig.
>
> 2. I would not allow this student to breed.
>
> 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
>
> 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
>
> 5. Your son se ts low personal standards and then consistently
> fails to achieve them.
>
> 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing
> to hold it all together
>
> 7. This child has been working with glue too much.
>
> 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
>
> 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train
> isn't coming.
>
> 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered
> twice a week.
>
> 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child
> beat out 1,000,000 others.
>
> 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
>
> Part 2
>
> These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos
> around the country:
> 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you
> just went through.'
>
> 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll
> stretch after you wear them a while.'
>
> 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
> certificate a worthless document.'
>
> 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
>
> 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's
> the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
>
> 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I
> can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
>
> 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
> think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift
supervisor?'
>
> 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do
> that again or I'll give you another ticket.'
>
> 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
> drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
>
> 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you
> go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
> p**p.'
>
> 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
> toaster oven.'
>
> 5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
>
> 4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
>
> 3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now
we're
> allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'
>
> 2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal
> friend of yours. You know someone who can post your bail.'
>
>
> AND THE WINNER IS....
>
> 1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we
> don't. Sign here.'
>
>
> P.S. Blessed are the Cracked: For it is they who let in the light.
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