Could I have Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Question

Here goes. I am a very awkward person in social situations. I can only talk one on one to someone, more than that and I just can't participate in conversation. Sometimes I have no interest in what people are talking about, even if it's a subject that I like. I will just sit there and think. I often think that people won't like me. I often think that my boyfriend could do better than me and that I don't deserve him. I feel like I'm so boring compared to him and his friends. I have to drink to make myself seem interesting.

I once stayed in his room while he had guests upstairs because I didn't want those awkward or nervous feelings to come back.

I really hate the way I talk and think people will think less of me for it. I have a speech impediment.

I've never really gone over to someone's house to just hang out. I barely have any friends in my town.

I hate crowded rooms, today I was in a theater and there were total strangers everywhere. I started to panic.

I really have created my own fantasy world to escape to.

I try to fight these feeling but I'm not strong enough.

I'm trying to work out how I became this way? My parents divorced when I was 5. I'm the youngest of 4 kids. I had a horrible time at school. I barely talked to people until I was 14. And to make matters worse I have Dyslexia and Dyspraxia. I feel so different than the people around me. It's like no one understands what I'm going through.

So is it APD or something else?

Answer 1

I think that if you talked with people more then you would find that although their experiences may not exactly be the same as yours, that they hold the keys to other experiences which may be interesting.

Try not to live too much in a dream world, it wont do you any use, instead talk with people more and socialise with them.  Youre lucky that your boyfriend likes to socialise with others, so just hang out with them.

Answer 2

Your situation is more common than you think,you feel intimidated by strong personalities and people that have more confidence,try to think of the things that make you special.Every one is special in their own right and you are no different,your boyfriend has seen this and your friends have also,i've also had problems with writing sometimes my mind knows what it wants to say but the words it gives me mean something else,confuses the sh*t out of me sometimes.I usually merge into the background in a crowd not wanting to be the centre of attention but also not wanting to be ignored either,hope you find a solution that helps,Matt