Could I please have you assistance with a translation of this phrase from English to SPanish?

Question

OMG can someone please help me out? my nutz hit the water in the toilet bowl when i sit down to p**p?

TY in advance.

Answer 1

JAJAJA!! ...I really wish you were kidding..

But here it goes;

Translation of the first question;  "Hay Dios mio, por favor ayudenme!"

Translation of the second question; "Mis bolas se dan con el agua en el hoyo del tocador cuando me siento a defecar"

Answer 2

¿mi nutz golpeó el agua en el tazón de fuente del tocador cuando me siento abajo para p**p?