Could adopting this child be messy...?

Question

This girl my husband and i know is having a baby in a while... she does not want it at all, the parents say they will take care of it but not willing. I used to know the dad for around 7 years. so i offered to adopt, we already have an eight month old baby. and i would love to care for this child we want more children any way and are trying to concieve... is there a way to adopt this child with to make sure there is no way she can come back two three years later and ask for her child but still be able to not have it completely closed so the grandparents can keep in touch?

Answer 1

Please don't call her baby "it".

Once the adoption is finalized, this child's history will be sealed (unless you're lucky enough to live in an open records state where her child has the same right as every other citizen to access his/her own records), and it will be as though his/her natural family never had anything to do with him/her.  You will be, for all intents and purposes, as much this child's parent as you are your biological child's parent.  The child's mother can NOT come back and "claim" her child after the adoption is final, but that does not mean that his/her family is no longer a part of the child.

It has been proven that open adoption is always in the best interests of the child (of course if abuse or neglect exists, some precautions need to be taken to ensure the child's safety).  It is always best for a child to have 100% access to his/her own information, medical records, heritage, family, etc.  When a child is adopted, s/he GAINS a family, but s/he also loses a family.  It doesn't have to be that way.  You can simply ADD yourself to his/her family, rather than replacing his/her family.

However, it would be best to wait until after your friend has given birth and met her child before making any plans.  The best thing you can do for her is support whatever decision she makes, even if she chooses to parent.  She may well change her mind after seeing her baby and holding him/her.

Answer 2

Yes, if you get her and the father to sign off on the adoption, it is up to you to continue to remain in contact with the grandparents.

Answer 3

Open adoption would allow for the family to have contact if you choose for it but after 6 months when the adoption is finalized the parents can't change their minds and come back, there is no way after you adopt the baby that they can come back in 2-3 years.  Get a family attorney and have everything done right and legal and then 6 months after the baby is born you should be perfectly ok.

Answer 4

Adopting any child has the potential to be "messy."

As long as you get a paternity test done, and both parents voluntarily terminate their rights, there should be no problem.

If you do end up adopting this child, I would strongly advocate a completely open adoption.  Allow mom and dad and the extended family to be part of your child's life, unless there is a safety issue.  It is better for your son or daughter to have their parents involved in their lives.  More people to love a child is always better.

If you want to know more about how an ideal open adoption works, feel free to contact me by e-mail.

Answer 5

Actually, it depends on when parental rights were terminated if she can come take the baby back ( well, fight for it).

Here is a link I hope you find helpful. It goes into further details that are too long to post here

Answer 6

Just have everyone sign-off their rights and no one can come back to claim her...even the next day.  You can still keep the grandparents in the child's life without them having any legal claims to it.

Good luck!  :-)

Answer 7

Although legal to adopt the child (most states no longer have grandparent visitation, however you'll have to check into it, where the grandparents could challenge the adoption), you can easily lose a friend if you adopt this baby.  It can also be hard on the baby's mother if her parents continue to see this child, and she can't face it right now.  If you do try to adopt, I'd get an attorney, and I'd have her sign the papers as if it's a closed adoption.  Even when it's closed, you can always take the baby to see the grandparents.  We have done this with the child we adopted.  BTW, we didn't know the grandparent until after we adopted, so this has actually brought us together as friends.  It might be easier for this girl to place her child out of town, rather than being a constant reminder of what she (not I) thinks is a big mistake in her life.  Good luck!

Answer 8

ALL adoption is "messy".

Answer 9

calling a baby "it" bothers me.  i'm sure it was probably an unintentional mishap...but please understand how depersonalizing that can be.

my concern is that this young lady has not really had the change to explore her parenting options. in addition, many women contemplate adoption and abortion during the beginning of an untimely pregnancy, yet eventually go on to parent and love their children.  the point i make is that the only way to know what her plans are, is to wait until after the baby is born.

when i was pregnant in 1991, i was 11000% sure that i was not ready to parent and made an adoption plan.  the closer to my due date, i realized that i'd not really thought about my decision enough and changed my mind.  this is a reality that even YOU acknowledge is possible. ("make sure there is no way she can come back...")

if you are concerned about her "coming back", then that reads to me like an indication that maybe this adoption plan is not written in stone.  

also, you have an infant and caring for two will be extremely overwhelming... not to include the process of adoption.  i think you might have answered your own question.

i'd try to offer this young lady help and support. and not even place adoption on the table until after she gives birth and the baby (not it) becomes real to her.

Answer 10

When you adopt a child they are legally yours and the parents nor anyone else can do anything about it. If you want you can have an open adoption or a semi-open adoption. The semi-open is when you send pictures and letters to the family. And you always have the choice to involve who ever you want. But as far as anyone taking that child from you, they can not once the adoption papers are signed. I say do it, it is a wonderful thing to do for a child.

Answer 11

grandparents have rights just to see there grandchild no matter what social services are wrong in so many cases they lie etc not to be trusted