Could being molested be the reason I hate drugs? Serious answers only please?

Question

I was molested repeatedly as a child for approximately five years by my older brother. It's been 6 years since it stopped, and as far as I know I am completely over it. I've had a serious boyfriend for three years; we have a decent relationship that I'm very happy in and we have a great s*x life. I've forgiven my brother completely and wish him the best. My brother was into hard drugs for a number of years, including some of the time he was molesting me. He has since cut back a little; now he only drinks, smokes, smokes pot, does shrooms...etc. I now have a strong dislike for recreational drug use. My boyfriend would never use hard drugs, but he smokes cigarettes, drinks, and has recently started smoking pot again. I let him do such things because I don't want to control him, but it bothers me deeply and has caused a lot of problems with us. When asked why I don't like drugs, I can never come up was a suitable answer. I was wondering, could I associating drug use with my past experiences of being molested? If so, how do I get over this so my boyfriend and I will stop butting heads? Thanks

Answer 1

It's possible. If you excused your brother's abusive behavior because of his drug use, then that would definitely cause you to hate drugs. But you could just hate them on a moral ground. I would also recommend you try to get help for your boyfriend and brother for their drug use, and a therapy session for you and your brother. You say you're over it, but it might be hard to realize whether you truly are or not.

Answer 2

I would tell you have a past personal issue with drug use, that you do not fell secure enough (with your self not him) to talk about at this time, which caused you to be hurt.  And that you care for him (or love him) but would like him to respect you decision not to use drugs or be around people who do.  Ask him not to use drug when he is planning on being with you while he is with you.  

I would also try find a counseling group, such as a pee counseling where you could talk to other people you age who have had similar problems.   Try you local community center or ask a school councilor if they know where you can find local counseling groups (no need to tell them why)

Answer 3

yes I think you can.

and just tell him that the thought of someone doing drugs is just so stupid. Period.

Answer 4

I am actually surprised you are not into drugs: to get over the heartache of being molested.  

But yes, it surely could be the reason, and might just be.  Or it might be that you were taught better or afraid to experience loss of reality.  

In any case you should seek help and talk to someone about these issues, whether it be a parent, counselor, or friend, or even stranger.

Answer 5

Well it could be a reason.

But I don't like drugs either, and I've never been molested.

Drugs just aren't good in general, and it's actually pretty normal not to like drugs.

So it may or may not be the reason.

Answer 6

Perhaps it would help if you were willing to look at this differently.  You understand that alcohol and drugs alter a persons thoughts and behaviors, and you avoid them, for yourself. Yet your partner engages in an activity, which recreational or not, has potential serious repercussions. I'm unclear as to why you think you need to get over anything. If your boyfriend does something that is harmful, either to himself or others, no matter how often, it's a problem.  His problem is more yours. " letting your boyfriend do such things" is trying to control him.  You either accept his use of drugs or not.  It doesn't sound like you do though. It seems like you are aware of the answer to your own question.  A suitable answer is, drugs seriously affected your life, so why on earth would you want to be around people who use them, if you dont.

Answer 7

It does seem as if your boyfriend's drug use is related to your past sexual history, but it also suggests that you aren't as entirely over your history as you might think.

I say this because his drug use bothers you deeply (reminder of your past) and it bothers you enough (since you are afraid history will repeat itself, and you will be helpless again) that it brings up past issues of loss of control, that you try to put on yourself ("I don't want to control him.")

Abuse is as much about a personal loss of control as it is about the abuse. The abuser 'makes' you do things you don't want to do, or does things to you that you don't want to happen, and because you can't control the situation, you feel helpless and insecure. This extreme loss of control often creates a pattern of 'lack of control' within the victim so that they feel, long after the initial abuse is over, that they can't 'control' their lives. This inability to leave bad situations is what allows the cycle to continue.

In fact, your bf reminds me an awful lot of your abusive brother (since he exhibits the same recreational escape mechanism that your brother used) and that tells me that the reason you like your bf is not because he is so great but because your mind accepts that type of 'bf' as normal to you. Like your brother, your bf is someone whom you can't control but you have tried to make an emotional connection with him in order to heal the abuse in your past. But you can't heal the abuse of the past with new, and old reminders, of the abuse today. You said your bf started smoking pot again, which is clearly on the list of substances that your brother continues to use, so its hard for me to believe that your subconscious mind is NOT making a connection between the two, which is really why you are butting heads.

Your brother, for whatever reason, is psychologically damaged, and psychological damage is really a beharioral virus that is passed along from abuser to victim. Like a biological virus, a behavioral virus attacks the body's normal behavioral functions and rewires them to accept an abnormal situation. And, like a regular virus, so long as that behavioral virus is in your system, you will be prone to repeating the behaviors and situations of the original virus, since that type of situation is what allows that virus to thrive.

The reason you get a 'fever' when you get physically sick is that the body's defense system understands that a 'normal' body, including its temperature, will only let the virus inside thrive, so it turns up the heat in order to weaken and create a more unfriendly host condition. Unfortunately, with behavioral viruses, there is no automatic 'fever' to make the behavior less accomodating. The person's psyche has to be reprogrammed and 'taught' to realize that the situation/virus is unhealthy, so that the person makes their situation less virus friendly. In your case, what you need to do is find a boyfriend who ISN'T into any recreational drugs whatsoever. Since recreational drugs, and their role in your behavioral virus, is what is really part of the problem, you have to get away from that situation altogether. Also, because your brother's behavior hasn't really changed since he stopped molesting you, and since you realize subconsciously that since drug use is part of why he molested you in the first place, the fact that he keeps using only reinforces the fact that he could begin again, and your rationalizations are not actually healthy but coping tools you use in order to protect yourself from the fact that if he started again, you would be just as helpless again. Having any contact with your brother, while he is still using any sort of recreational drug and has not had any serious psychological counseling or physical incarceration to help deter his behavior, is physically and psychologically dangerous to you. Your brother hasn't really changed, and the fact that you are dating someone very similar to (and making rationalizations about) your abuser suggests you aren't healthy yet either.

Your bf is not a healthy choice for you, and you honestly need to speak to a professional about how to help you realize just what has happened with your life, how it has affected you, and how you can act so that it doesn't continue to affect you in the future. You need to get over alot more than just the arguements you are having with your bf.