Could circumstances relieve Muslim men from certain marital duties?

Question

My husband and I have had some misfortune with his legal status these past two years, leaving him unable to work, drive, or leave the country. We have been doing everything we can to sort this out, but our immigration lawyer said it is most likely that there is nothing that can be done in our favor until the next president is elected. Because of this, we depend for the most part on my income. He does have an extrememly small income comming from his home country, however we have agreed that this money be given to his mother. Anyways, he is becomming more and more depressed as each month goes by that he is not able to support me and our children. He is afraid that he is not fulfilling his god-given role as provider. He even refuses to go out on dates with me anymore because it shames him that I always pay. I am not sure what to say to him when he talks about our situation, because he views his inability to take care of me financially as a big sin.

Answer 1

thats a tough situation indeed.  The circumstances you describe are beyond the control of you and your husband and as such you should reaasure him that you do not blame him and as such he should not blame himself.  However the male ego is a fragile thing indeed, especially when you are talking about a male ego that is infused with cultural expectations.  Tell him he can support the family in other ways until he gets his legal status settled.  If he knows Arabic and he teaches your kids how to read and write well, believe me he will be doing a great thing. Same goes with Quran, memorization, tafseer, etc.  Just keep telling him this is  a test and as such he has to remain patient.  Inshallah this is a rough patch but it will pass and inshallah things will improve.  I wish you both the best inshallah.

BTW I agree with him keeping the small amount for his mother if she has no other means of support.  Allah will reward you also sister for stepping up during this time.

Answer 2

i know someone who exactly have the same problems but let me tell yuu something dont feed him like a baby.you should let him do something .if he wants to work he can let me tell you.

Answer 3

He sounds like a really good man, I hope you treasure him. He can try to get a job as a waiter in an ethnic restaurant or something like that. Illegals don't get paid salary but they get to keep their tips. I know Greektown in Detroit is like that. He could also do some other kind of skill like fixing things, moving furniture, mowing lawns, trimming hedges. Be creative. He could even babysit or teach a language class or anything he could just advertise on flyers and get paid cash. Don't count on the next president being much better though. You may have to go to another country to have a normal life.

Answer 4

He should be giving you and his children money since he is living with you!!!!! Ask him to return to his home country and work there till things pan out !i

Answer 5

Salam for you my dear sister.I took pity on him to read your family's condition.There are 2 possibilities for his solution (1)search a new informal job in USA  although its salary not so high for a temporary period or (2)go back to his country and get job there so each month he can send money for you and your children and he come back to USA when the president election has been finished.He maybe can borrow money in his country for you and your children

In line with Islam please tell him that in emergency situation a husband without job and income for his family is not  big sin Do not be depressed and stress because it will harm his health. Tell him that your income is enough for a simple life and you have no objection for the emergency situation.Unable to support you and his children is not his mistakes ..He has tried hard to overcome the problem but he failed

Allah will forgive him if you as his wife have no objection May Allah bless you all,because in every difficulty there is an easiness as stated in the Qur'anAllah will protect you and give subsistence