Could murder him!!!?

Question

Hi me again, ss if boring people, been with hubby 22 years, (married for 2 of these, 2 kiddies 7 and 11). Hubby told me 4 weeks ago he doesn't love me but cares, in the meantime he says he does love me but needs space. He is spending time at his brothers, i thought there was another woman but i am now convinced there isn't as i know deffo he is at bros, last night he said to me that he is tired, tired of upsetting me, tired of being upset himself and tired of us arguing, before this i have continuously accused him of cheating, without any proof or real reason . , god knows why i did it, he is the kindest man ever, ok maybe i get upset that i don't have the same attention after all this time together but now i realise that yes i did actually, we still have s*x, have a laugh about things, he gets his mum to babysit so he can take me out, what i want to know is, last night he finally started talking,( cos i stopped having hysterics) he said that he needs space but we will be back together at sometime in the future, what do i do? give him an ultimatum as to how long i will give him or leave him to it and be patient, whats your views folks on the whole awful bloody mess, by the way he does spend some nights at home but in separate rooms and acts as normal, (except for you know what) in every other respect

Answer 1

Tricky one that.  Guess you just have to give him time, but I personally reckon you should say around 6-8 weeks.

Answer 2

It sounds as if he may be a bit depressed. Why accuse him of having affairs if you have no proof or reason? No wonder he's fed up. Get in touch with Relate and get some counselling. And go on dates together, go to the cinema or out for meals without the kids. Go for a picnic or something. Get some fun and romance back in your lives.

And think before you speak, you can't take these accusations back once they've been spoken.

Good luck

Answer 3

I think you guys need some space apart before things start getting worst.   If you are sure he's not having an affair, then you guys will realized that you are meant to be together.  Give him some space and give yourself some space to thinks things through.   You guys could also  start therapy while you are apart.  

Good Luck!

Answer 4

You made your own bed here.  Guess hubby has had enough of your abuse.  Sounds like a decent guy, you must have REALLY gone too far to push him out of his own house.

I doubt you'll ever change your tune, he's tired of being the whipping boy.  

Geez, the girls sure don't like it when we (finally) stand up to you.

Answer 5

?

Answer 6

your lucky i wish i had your problem.  He's not worth it let him go.  Show him the door.

Answer 7

No ultimatums. Wait it out.

When he comes back seek relationship counselling. I think you both love each other very much.

Good Luck - MAKE it work. Seek counselling. You yourself maybe could benefit from some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Having unjusitfied thoughts about infidelity needs sorting. Those thought patterns are not right and need adjusting. Ask your GP. Tell them that your thoughts seem to be a bit out of sync and are having a detrimental affect on your marriage .  

Answer 8

i think give him abit of time, then try talking to him,apologise to him for all those accusations, give him a week or two, let him cool down, and in the meantime STEER CLEAR of him, i know u might get tempted to start up a conversation with him but dont, as they say  "good things happen to those who wait".

anyway ur hubby sounds like such a sweetheart, he makes time especially for the two of u to go out,thats really good of him, my hubby and me hardly get two words across, thats how much time he makes for me lol, na seriously though, its really not worth throwing away what u have, work on it and make a go of things when hes ready, dont let ur 22 yrs of relationship just melt away.... all those accusations are not healthy amybe the two of u shouldget relationship councelling show him how serious u r to stop accusing him, u sound like ur really paranoid and insecure. just imagine if he was accusing u of cheating on him every other day and yet u didnt do anything wrong...its obviously annoying. the poor guy mibe feeling that he aint got room to breathe...give him some space then work on ur relationship TOGETHER.

goodluck hun x