Could my housekeeper Mrs Humfrey's be the mother of Hitlers love child?

Question

My 87 year old housekeeper Mrs Humprey's had her son visit her today up at the manor, he was the spitting image of that blighter Hitler. When I quizzed her about this she did inform me there was a brief encounter between herself and Hiter at the 1936 German Olympics where she was representing Great Britain in the shot put.

Apparently she forced herself on him and had her wicked way with the Teutonic swine. I've seen pictures of her at the time of those Olympics and she would take some fending off I can tell you?

Should I make her son Otto von Hattensburg watch the harrowing war documentary "Allo Allo" to see if he finds what the Germans did at that period of time amusing? Thus proving he is indeed Hitler’s son

Answer 1

well discover if they both carry syphilis then you will be sure!!

hiel hitler!!!!!!

Answer 2

I happen to know your housekeeper, Mrs Humphreys, charming woman by the way, and she told me that yes, she did indeed have an ever so brief trist with Hitler himself, but that no love child resulted from the encounter.

However she did go onto say the following year, 1937,  while attending a showing of a Chaplin film at the local Whippenthorpe Theatre and through the theatre owner she had met Sir Charles,  became friends with him and that eventually led to a  very discreet 2 year relationship which resulted in the birth of a son, Otto, who by the way after viewing a photo of him,  bears a striking resemblance to Sir Charles and not at all like Hitler.

I've discussed this over tea with  my dear friends Eric Von Schtrunk and Zelda Phiffelheifer, whom Mrs Humphreys tells me is a mutual friend and they are in agreement with me.

I just thought I would give you my take on this matter and what I have been told, I do believe Mrs Humphrey to be an honest woman and of impeccable character.

I would rather you not "make" as you say Otto watch anything that might be deemed upsetting to the fellow, Mrs Humphreys did tell me that he is quite sensitive and is prone to fits of violence when under duress, so I would advise you to please  refrain from the latter.

This would also be very upsetting to Mrs Humphreys and if you value her friendship as much as I, you would take this into consideration, after all she has been a competent and loyal employee.

Answer 3

I think you are labouring under a case of mistaken identity.  If Mrs. Humfrey is now 87 years old she must have been born in 1921 which would have made her too young to enter the 1936 Olympics.  Besides, Eva Braun took care of Hitler`s needs.

Answer 4

Very amuzing Englander pig,  Von Hattensberg is no other zan Barry Adolf Hardcastle Hitler-Humfreys, and ven ve march down zu Pall Mall Strasse wiz you Englander pigs doing zu bowing and zu scraping wiz Frau Humfreys and her son, Herr Barry Adolf Hardcastle Hitler- Humfreys in zur front of zur parade of zur victorious soldaten unt footballer heros , zen you will be doing zur laghing on zur osser side of zur face ja? Ve haf not forgotten zat 1936 coupling or zur 1966 and ve still have zur name of Pvt. Pike on our lists.

Answer 5

if you have seen the bios on Hitler you should plainly see he was a lunatic, and a product of his environment not his genes, so if this Otto dude was raised in the UK hes an Englishman not German.... hope this helps...................... o and god save the queen or viva Las Vegas............ or what ever you Brits say .

Answer 6

My dear Rotter,

May I say sir, that I can foresee this situation to be thwart with danger as there is no evidence, as far a I can ascertain, that he is indeed the said love child - perhaps if you were to permit him the opportunity of viewing that dreadful television production 'Eastenders' - this might encourage the evil and wickedness within the man to surface.

Alas, the peril of the occasion may cause distress to Mrs. Humphrey. Whilst one wouldn't normally take into account the emotions of a servant in such matters, one has to remember that a woman of substance such as Humphrey (even at the age of 87) would be extremely beneficial at one's parties in the event of fisticuffs breaking out.

Think hard on this one, good sir.

Answer 7

You could and her harm you in ways unknown to most noble men. OR you could simply act like you know nothing and blame her manly ways on the boys looks.

Seems she could still take you on and unless YOU also want a love child, I would leave her alone. Stranger things have happened. I would simply leave well enough alone, unless you could get one of the lower staff to ask... nah I would leave it alone.

Answer 8

Rotter Dahling,

Your suggested method of detection is indeed a good one but not fool-proof.  He could be a very good actor and feign disdain at the antics of Herr Otto Flick.

You should push him further in the hope that he cracks and confesses all by making him watch the 'Don't mention the war' episode from Fawlty Towers.  If that doesn't push him over the edge then nothing will.

Toodle-pip.

Answer 9

Yes she is because I was told from a very trustworthy source, she spent a fortnight in Hitler's bunker and left the day before he died.

Answer 10

Maybe you point him out for us .............is it one of these gentlemen Sir?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVxM5IBLe...

Answer 11

Perhaps you should follow up this intriguing case. If nothing else, it will give hope to many men who, unlike Hitler, have two testicles with which to father children.

Answer 12

Show him Saving Private Ryan and the Band of Brothers series.

Answer 13

ha ha > I think you should make him watch Dads Army and watch for his reaction at the theme tune

Answer 14

Just ask the alleged Mrs. Humfrey.

Answer 15

How very dreadful for you.  I think you should go with your instincts, they have served you well so far old bean.

  Does Otto have any tell tale signs, for instance does he walk funny....slap the side of his leg with a stick thing.......moustache......or constantly stand on boxes, raise his hand and shout.     Are there any signs of madness......

Oh dear it is all very upsetting I am sure, Do be very careful old boy.