Could she be in an abusive relationship?

Question

I don't know this friend of mine really well, so I'm basically just asking for views of whether she could be. Around a year ago, she had a swelling on her forehead and black eyes, with the explanation that she had walked into a wall. Just recently, she had a broken cheekbone and was off work for ages, saying that she had fallen off a stool into a wall. She's also said before that her partner won't allow her to have a photo of her male idol up in the house. I don't want to assume anything, so I'm just asking for people's opinions ? Thankyou =]

Answer 1

it sounds like her man is knocking her about. just about everyone who gets beaten up by someone will always say something like. 'oh i walked into a door.'  

Answer 2

Yes,Yes,Yes! There many signs that lead to an abusive situation. I hope someone can help her before it's too late. :-(

Answer 3

The excuses that this lady is giving for her injuries would worry me if it was my friend, as it does sound really suspicious!

If I was you I would try and approach the issue with her by explaining that you are really worried, and have concerns regardng her relationship.

Or maybe you could not say anything, and leave some domestic abuse advice leaflets/numbers somwhere that she will find them :-)

Answer 4

You may want to seriously buy a little notebook and keep the date and what your friend looked like that day written in it. This is evidence she can use in court to convict her abuser, later, when she is ready to have him arrested.

I am serious.  

Answer 5

It sounds abusive and should be reported.

Answer 6

100% she is being abuse. Basically she is in a relationship with a psychopath, with violent tendency. If she doesn't leave this relationship she could end up dead one day. This is a friend of yours, so try to help her out in leaving the crazy *** coward.

Answer 7

That is a definite sign.  You can look the signs up by googling it.  Women who are in abusive relationships will not admit to it and usually hide things. They kind of get immobiliized and they feel as though they cannot get anyone else, they are told that over and over.  They tend to be somewhat brainwashed by their partner.  You need to talk to her and tell her she can tell you anything and you will not tell anyone else.  They can also take them back after leaving them over and over.  Sometimes because their partner threatens them.

Answer 8

Hi,

I would say it looks very likely she is being abused.

Obviously it is hard when she is not saying anything but she will be making excuses to cover it up as she either too scared to lose him or doesn't want to get into more trouble when she gets home.

He sounds controlling and the excuses seem a bit far-fetched to be honest to go with the injuries she has sustained.

I have been in an abusvie relationship - ending in me being hospitalised for 6 months after being held in house by my ex for 3 days and physically and sexually abused quite badly.

PLEASE keep an eye on this- she is going to need a lot of support there.

The idea of keeping a diary is a very very good one as she won't remember the exact days of things that have happened to convict him if it goes to court.

All the best

Lx  

Answer 9

There could be innocent explanations for the physical injuries, but the jealous contolling behavior of the boyfriend fits very strongly with the behaviour of an abuser.  

I think you should talk to a counselor, social service person, pastor, or even call an abuse hotline, or check out some library books on the topic.  You need information about what to look for and how to show your friend that you are willing to help her.   You may not understand why your friend allows this to go on, and talking to a professional can help you get a grip on the way she's thinking.  

If she's being abused, her thought patterns and outlook on the world have most definitely changed.  Denial, guilt, fear, irrational thoughts--all of these things seem unreasonable to ousiders, but were very much part of my world when I was in the situation.  You're going to be in a delicate position, becuase you can help, but you can also alienate her.  Ultimately, she is the one who must decide what she wants, but that will be much easier for her if she has a support system.  The post about documentation of her injuries is a great idea.

I wish you luck and strength.  You have already proven yourself to be a caring and compassionate person by seeking help for your friend/aquaintance...I am sorry you are dealing with this but I have to say she's lucky to have you!

Answer 10

That sounds so familiar it's scary, I lived in a very violent relationship and I used all those excuses too. I believed that the reason he treated me that way and beat me up the way he did was all my fault, I finally gathered the courage and left she's lucky she has a good friend like you looking out for her she'll need you.