Could someone please check/fix this for me?

Question

Its hard getting someone to fix up my errors and I know there are heaps in this. Thanks for your time! : )

Love Addie.

“Madison move away from the window.” A young fanatic mother shouted as a young girl obeyed her and joined her under the table as the loud sirens disturbed the night alerting London of the late hour bombing. The young girl, Madison clutches her teddy bear as she sat closes to her mother who was holding a young boy that was crying as the ground shook from the fallen bombs nearby. After several hours, the small family finally moved from under the table. Madison quickly walked over to the windows and peep outside, there wasn’t much to see as it was still pitch black and smokes fills the air. “Come on Madison. Off to bed.” The mother said weary as she carried the toddler back to his cot. The mother sighed deeply, thanking that the children’s room was left unharmed and nothing out of place. She gently placed the sleeping toddler into the cot and tucked him in securely. Madison got in her bed quietly as she continued to hold her teddy bear tightly, waiting for her mother to come tuck her in as well. As her mother tucked in Madison, she would sing a lullaby that calm down Madison and make her fall asleep. As Madison drifted off to a deep peaceful sleep, her mother slid down a chair and stayed with her children, worrying about their futures like she would every other nights.

The next morning they left the house to go check up on another family nearby. “Madison stops fussing in your dress.” Her mother said as she shifted the heavy toddler weigh on her hip as they walked to the park like a normal day. The sky was still filled with smokes but a little ray of sunshine managed to break through, shining on London. “Mummy, when is Daddy coming home?” Madison asked curiously, leaving her mother shocked as she wasn’t prepared to tell her daughter that he wasn’t coming back even though she was expecting it. “Daddy is still fighting and he won’t be back for a long time.” The mother answered sweetly as she hoped it would convince her daughter, she hated lying to them but it was to protect them. “Go play on the swings Maddie.” The mother said softly as she coos with the toddler. Madison nodded her head and skipped off towards the trees where the swings would be. There was a low buzzing sound from above as Madison found her way to the swingset. Little did she know that London was about to be bombed again. The sirens were ringing but she couldn’t hear them, she giggled as she chased a butterfly. Without realizing what danger Maddison was in, a bomb dropped near her causing a tree to fall onto her small yet fragile body. As she lay there in shocked and crying loudly in extreme pain. A little tinkling light went near her, Maddison was still crying as she saw the small fairy hovering near her face. Then it all went pitch black.

Answer 1

All fixed. :] Cool story. Your main errors were that you kept changing if you were speaking in present or past tense. You had some grammatical and punctuation errors, too. You changed about halfway through from Madison to Maddison. I made it all Madison, since you had that first. :]

“Madison, move away from the window.” A young fanatic mother shouted as, a young girl obeyed her and joined her under the table, as the loud sirens disturbed the night alerting London of the late hour bombing. The young girl, Madison, clutched her teddy bear as she sat close to her mother who was holding a young boy that was crying as the ground shook from the fallen bombs nearby. After several hours, the small family finally moved from under the table. Madison quickly walked over to the windows and peeped outside, there wasn’t much to see, as it was still pitch black and smoke filled the air. “Come on, Madison. Off to bed.” The mother said weary, as she carried the toddler back to his cot. The mother sighed deeply, thankful that the children’s room was left unharmed and nothing out of place. She gently placed the sleeping toddler into the cot and tucked him in securely. Madison got in her bed quietly as she continued to hold her teddy bear tightly, waiting for her mother to come tuck her in as well. As her mother tucked in Madison, she sang a lullaby that calmed down Madison and made her fall asleep. As Madison drifted off to a deep peaceful sleep, her mother slid down on a chair and stayed with her children, worrying about their futures like she would every other night.

The next morning they left the house to go check up on another family nearby. “Madison, stops fussing in your dress.” Her mother said as she shifted the heavy toddler's weight on her hip as they walked to the park like a normal day. The sky was still filled with smoke, but a little ray of sunshine managed to break through, shining on London. “Mummy, when is Daddy coming home?” Madison asked curiously, leaving her mother shocked as she wasn’t prepared to tell her daughter that he wasn’t coming back, even though she was expecting it. “Daddy is still fighting and he won’t be back for a long time.” The mother answered sweetly, as she hoped it would convince her daughter. She hated lying to them but it was to protect them. “Go play on the swings, Madie.” The mother said softly as she cooed to the toddler. Madison nodded her head and skipped off towards the trees where the swings would be. There was a low buzzing sound from above as Madison found her way to the swing-set. Little did she know, London was about to be bombed again. The sirens were ringing, but she couldn’t hear them. She giggled as she chased a butterfly. Without realizing the danger she was in, a bomb dropped near her, causing a tree to fall onto her small, fragile body. As she lay there, in shock and crying loudly in extreme pain, a little tinkling light came near her.  Madison was still crying as she saw the small fairy hovering near her face, then it all went pitch black.

Answer 2

wow this is great

how old are u

for ur mistakes ill capitalize the things u could fix

u could say CALMED madison down and HELPED her sleep

every other NIGHT

madison, STOP fussing WITH ur dress

heavy TODDLER'S WEIGHT

answered sweetly, HOPING it would convince her daughter

COOED TO the toddler

where the swings WERE

lay there in SHOCK,SHE STARTED CRYING LOUDLY in extreme pain

A LITTLE TINKLING LIGHT WAS NEAR HER; ...

THEN EVERYTHING WENT PITCH BLACK

also u used as too much in the first sentence

that was good

u need to learn correct dialoge grammer though

nice job

pleeeze vote me helpful