Could someone please read this and tell me if its alright? ( its the conclusion i wrote for science)?

Question

Conclusion

My results from this experiment showed that there were more of a particular species and less of some because of a number of different reasons. Firstly, there was more grass in the light part of the lawn because the grass was getting more light and heat, therefore there would be more grass here, whereas in the shaded part there was less because the grass wasn’t getting as much light as it needed for there to be the same amount as there was in the light part of the lawn.

Also, because there are quite a few numbers of species in the lawn, there would be a competition from them all for space, water and minerals and so the population of each type of specie would vary in different spaces, and there would be most likely more things in the light. But, some things such as clovers don’t need as much light so there were a larger number of these in the shaded area and less in the light.

I found that there were no black medicks in the shade, but an average of 4 in the light. This is

Answer 1

I am not sure what the conclusion is, so you need to be more specific.

How many species? which did better in the shade?  Which did better in the light?  Was the amount of light the only variable?  You mention different reasons, but only discuss light.

From the data (which I have not seen) you should be able to chart each species and rate them on a scale for tolerating shade or tolerating sunlight.

Answer 2

Best conclusion for what?  Show me your research, and I'll tell yo u if your conclusion is appropriate.  Show what you know about black medicks (whatever they are).  Show that the amount of light was the only (or most significant) difference between this part of the lawn and the rest of the lawn.

Answer 3

It could be improved, I would say that in general you need more specifics, I know its a conclusion, but instead of more of a species, and less, it might be better to include numbers, there were 20 species here and only 15 here.  

Also your explanations don't seem to be supportable by data, how did you measure the light and heat?  Did you actually set up something to do this or are you just postulating that there is more light at some point?  

You also have some writing issues, don't say firstly, say first or just start the sentence.  There is competition from the species for space, water and minerals sounds better than what you have in the second paragraph.  I think the 2nd paragraph would be better by starting with an introduction like this:

It was found that not only was there variation in the numbers of species but some species were found in areas where they had resources that would be critical to them and not in other areas.  Some examples were that clovers were found on this side, and they do not need as much light....etc.

Answer 4

you have said there were more of one and less of another but have not listed them from one to another [ as in grass black medicks and clover ]

read you re second paragraph again and clean it up a bit

ie. there are quite a number

ie. there would be competition

Answer 5

You should not use "I", "my" etc in scientific reporting.

And what you have written does not appear to be a conclusion, more of a discussion of results. Conclusions are generally VERY short and summarise your final results - no discussion at that point.