Question:

Could this be a poem? and is it any good?

by  |  earlier

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the future doesn’t look so bright;

I need to make sacrifices.

am I ready to do that?

who knows, I don’t.

I wish I knew what to do;

run, hide I cant escape,

my fate is coming.

im scared.

I need your comfort,

but your elsewhere

dealing with your lack of sh*t.

help me, save me.

I need you now.

be my savior,

keep me from drowning.

its to late.

my fate pulls me down.

no friends, no life, but hope.

can you help me?

It doesn’t seem so,

you watch from a box

with no intend to help.

why do you stay still,

when I need you here?

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8 ANSWERS


  1. It's almost a poem.  Just make everything rhyme... kind of like this:

    the future doesn't look so bright

    I need to make sacrifices at night

    am I ready to do that right?

    who knows, I don't fight.

    I wish I knew what to do or bite;

    run, hide I cant escape light:

    my fate is coming into sight.

    im scared of kites

    I need your comfort might

    but your elsewhere

    dealing with you lack of sh*t

    help me, save me wit.

    I need you now t*t.

    be my savior kit,

    keep me from drowning pit.

    its to late quit.

    my fate pulls me down in it.

    no friends, no life, but hope lit.

    can you help me?

    It doesn't seem so,

    you watch from a box ho

    with no intend to help Mo.

    why do you stay still toe,

    when I need you here?


  2. its pretty good but i would write this part

    dealing with your own future instead of dealing with your lack of sh*t.

    to that guy:poems dont always have to  rhyme!!!!

    wanna talk lseed87@yahoo.com

  3. That was quite deep there, you seem to be letting your soul speak through your poetry, if you ever want to get some more advise drop me a line and Daridine@gmail.com, Ill listen to your  Poems and I always have time...

  4. :]

    how nice. I think its ok but it may be better as a song

  5. Omg your poem really touch me. I love it and its a poem and really good. You should be a writer and get your poems publish. Love it!!!! Best of luck and keep on writing poems!!

  6. lmao there's a few easy rhymes for all you budding poets out there

    Light

    Kite

    Diet

    Sight

    Bite

    Right

    Smight

    Fight

    Light

  7. I'd don't normally do a line edit (though I am an editor) on a poem.  But when has such strong potential, then I feel that I need to show you the niggling lines that bother me.

    You have strong potential as a poet -- you have a very good poem -- work on using proper English grammer in your work -- it will show your professionalism, and enhance the reader's experience.

    run, hide I cant escape,  <---- can't   (cannot)

    im scared. <--- I'm   (I am)

    I need your comfort, <--- you're  (you are)

    but your elsewhere <---- you're  (you are)

    dealing with your lack of sh*t.   <---   * -- not in a poem

    its too late. <--- it's   (it is)  too -- more than (enough time)

    with no intend to help. <-- intention  

    T.

  8. awsome poem justa thought get it copyrighted..www.POETRY.COM

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