Could you...Forgive and Forget?

Question

Im writing a paper on the means to forgive and forget. Do you think that it possible for you to completely forgive someone, no matter what they've done? Would you?

Answer 1

Would love to have the ability to forget, but that will never happen.

I keep hearing, reading, talking about 'forgiveness', but I do not understand what that means in order to actually do it.  When thinking about being 'wronged' - and it totally depends on the severity, I am unable to say that I 'forgive' that person.

To me, it feels like forgiveness = justification of the wrong.

Answer 2

I think it's a process. First, if the person is still alive and something has happened recently, it's best to get things out into the open and talk about what happened. Men tend to never say the words, "I'm sorry", or at least, that's been my experience. Once you've talked things through, if they still haven't apologized, it's your turn to say, "I forgive you." As for the forgetting part, I think it takes time to release it from your heart. Even the forgiveness, once spoken doesn't really happen immediately. When it comes back into your mind what the person has done, tell yourself you've forgiven the person, and you've moved past it. Then got on with thinking about something else.

Answer 3

I have, I can, and I will.

But, I don't forget.

some have told me that if you can't (won't) forget, then you haven't forgiven; but I beg to differ. I have treated people with the same respect and trust after having forgiven them, even though I don't forget what they did.  

Answer 4

I never forgive and never forget. I only get revenge no matter how long it takes.

Answer 5

I believe that one has to choose to forgive, and many do not.

I also know that even if one forgives, the relationship between the person who chooses to forgive and the person who has been forgiven may still change significantly.

Forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook.  It's more about accepting that they did something wrong, or treated you or someone who mattered to you badly, and still making the choice to release and let go of the hurt and anger that you feel toward them because of their actions.

I could use my marriage as an example. I was married to a wonderful man for 10 years. He became a drug addict, and I stayed with him through over a year of absolute h**l that is almost impossible to comprehend unless you have had the experience...to watch a kind, loving, supportive, decent person destroy himself and his life, change in character to someone you no longer recognize, and be powerless to stop it is devastating.

He got clean...we had a very lengthy conversation, heart to heart, soul to soul, about the impact of what we went through because of his addiction, and I told him then that if he ever went back to drugs, I would have to leave to protect myself and our child. He agreed.

A few months later, he started using drugs again, and we separated. His situation went from bad to worse...he ended our lives as we knew them and his future for many years to come. Just giving the short version...if you want more details, feel free to see some of my prior answers that explain more about what we actually went through.

In practical terms, the way most people would view it, he destroyed our lives.

We are no longer together, but I do not love him any less. I have forgiven him.  I do not love him as a husband, and my love for him is more like that of a parent for a child, or child for a parent, I suppose, but I hold no animosity or anger toward him anymore.

I believe some have this capacity to love, and others, for various reasons, simply do not. The ones who have it, have the capability to forgive.  My belief is that love is not just a feeling but a choice, and I believe that in order to forgive, in most cases, love is a requirement.

Those who can look at themselves, or another, see all the faults, mistakes, errors, and problems, as well as the good, the gifts, and the giving, and STILL love will find the ability to forgive.

I cannot say that I would have the capability to forgive someone "no matter what" because, again, it is a decision that has to be made.  I would hope that no matter what comes my way, I would find the strength to forgive if needed.

I think that's the best anyone can hope for, because while we can choose to live with a forgiving attitude, we cannot for-see our futures, and forgiveness is not a one time thing- it's a individual decision that has to be made about a specific person, time, or situation.

Answer 6

I personally forgive easily. However I can't help feel that if one can forget the offense it cheapens the virtue of forgiving it.

Answer 7

I always forgive people in my life a little too easily, no matter what they do, because i love them.  About the third or fourth time someone screws me over, I finally tell them to F*** off.  I wish I could learn to NOT forgive.

Answer 8

The phrase to forgive and forget isn't scriptural, if that's what you're thinking. Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you will, or even can, forget what they did. 'nor does it mean that you will have a relationship with that person(s). Forgiving someone releases your grasp on that person. It takes your hands off of their throat and allows you to go about your business. Chances are, that person doesn't care how long you hang on to your anger, so why hang on to it....it only hurts you. And if they do want you to be full of hate and anger then why keep pleasing them? On a spiritual note: when you forgive someone it releases them to God and allows for them, and you, to be restored to how God intended for you/them to be in the first place. Unforgiveness also opens a huge door for the enemy to come in and destroy you. The enemy may be the devil, however, it may also be: school, work, relatives, friends, etc.... (by the way the devil is all over those situations to when unforgiveness prevailes). Well, good luck with that paper and God bless.

(if you think my answer is the best one please vote for it so I can get more points).

Thanks, Pka

Answer 9

I've had some pretty bad things happen in my life & to this point have always forgiven the person. I will have to say I agree with blue, I'm not God so I don't forget. To say I haven't forgiven because I didn't forget is just not true. The biggest thing I stuggle with is my spouse had an affair 5 years ago, I can't forget that. We stayed married, even after a psychologist told me to leave her. I didn't think there was anyway I could even get past this, but with God's help I did. It still hurts to remember, but I can't forget. I have forgiven my spouse, it's just sad that some mistakes can never be undone & we can never turn back time. I always felt I could handle anything as long as my spouse was there to believe in me, but what do when the very person you trust the most deceives you & you have no reason left to live? I'm not saying you can't go on without your spouse, but we all have our last straw before giving up. Hope this helps your paper. oh & If you always want to be right, you will never have a meaningful relationship. Being in love, means knowing how to say "I'm sorry", even if you're a man.

Answer 10

no. forgive but never forget, if you forget it then you'll just keep letting it happen,..

Answer 11

You can forgive I guess but never ever forget..

but to contradict this with a cliche ...to "err is human to forgive,divine"

hope this answers your question.. ;)

Answer 12

I think it depends on what they have done. I am more likely to forgive someone who has done something to me than to a member of my family. I am fiercely protective of the people I love.

I could never forget even if I chose to forgive.