Could you correct my grammar if i make any mistake?

Question

The other related symptom is those often suffer from functional impairment, such as avoiding social activities, work, and school. They may become sheltered in their home and suicidal. For example, a 24-year-old married female, named Susie, does not like the shape of her nose. She says to her mother-in-law that after she came back home from a psych ward with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, she heard some nurses were laughing at her nose. Susie also exclaims that she wants to have surgery done on her nose and that she will pay her back. Her mother-in-law told her that she thinks her nose look beautiful and there is nothing wrong with her nose size. Suddenly, she becomes mute and withdraws herself from her in laws and friends during social events by staying in her room, during the whole month.

Answer 1

Sufferers often have related symptoms such as functional impairment, avoidance of social activities, including work and school. They may become sheltered in their home and suicidal. For example, a 24-year-old married female, named Susie, does not like the shape of her nose. After returning home from a psychiatric ward with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, she says to her mother-in-law that she heard some nurses laughing at her nose. Susie also exclaims that she wants to have surgery done on her nose and will pay her mother-in-law back if she pays for the surgery. Her mother-in-law tells her that she thinks her nose looks beautiful and there is nothing wrong with her nose size. Suddenly, she becomes mute and withdraws herself from her in-laws and friends by staying in her room the whole month.

Answer 2

I'm not sure I understand the first sentence. It needs to be restructured but I'm not sure what you are trying to say so I can't help there. Second sentence. Who is they? It's not conveyed in the first sentence so you need to state it rather than use a pronoun. I don't think you need to off-set "named Susie" with commas. Do not abbreviate psych ward. Use the full term psychiatric ward. Who will Susie pay back for the surgery? Her Mother-in-law? Maybe say, "Susie tells her mother in law that she wants to have surgery...." The last sentence might read better if you say, "as a result of the conversation with her mother in law, Susie becomes mute and ..."

Answer 3

look beautiful=looks beautiful

thats all i could find

Answer 4

this is the internet honey, people will correct your grammar whether you like it or not.  try to use it as an opposing view, people tend to be quicker to point out grammar flaws that way.

ex.

jim: resycling saves the inviroment.

mark:  that's a bunch of b-s.  how can it save the environment when you can't even spell right.

Answer 5

The other related symptom often is functional impairment, such as avoiding social activities, work, and school. They may become sheltered in their home and suicidal. For example, a 24-year-old married female, named Susie, does not like the shape of her nose; she says to her mother-in-law that after she came back home from a psych ward with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, she heard some nurses were laughing at her nose. Susie also exclaims that she wants to have surgery done on her nose and that she will pay her back. Her mother-in-law told her that she thinks her nose looks beautiful and there is nothing wrong with her nose size. Suddenly, Susie became mute and withdrew herself from her in-laws and friends during social events by staying in her room during the whole month.

I wasn't sure what exactly  you were trying to say in the first sentence, because it just didn't make sense to me. Everything else was was mostly correct. Hope it helps.