Could you give me your opinion on my poem? =)?

Question

I cursed a little bit lol but the first word bleeped out is the b-word and the other two words bleeped after that are the f-word.

Enjoy the poem =)

"So- Called Friendship"

Well I could’ve just wrote a sweet poem

About our so-called friendship

I hate to say this buddy but you’re a careless *****

So in my yearbook it says “BFF”

Please like beyonce said go to the left to left

If you really were a real friend

You’d call once a while

Say”hey how you doing?”

Or “come over my house for a little while.”

But instead you hang out with your new crew

Leaving me behind like some out dated shoe

I’m sick of trying to keep contact

When I do you don’t care

I leave you message after message

And you respond to me after like ten years

At first I got sad we were growing apart

I sat around sad it broke my heart

But now I’m just fed up

I couldn’t give a ****

If you trip and fall off a cliff

I dont give a flying **** if you know it

But here's the end of our "so-called friendship

Answer 1

i like it but there are some parts that you have to fix with the poem

Answer 2

i like the emotion in it, maybe try cutting out some unnecessary words. poetry, in my experience, expresses the most when you cut it down to the fewest words needed to get the message across. this is a story type piece, you could divide it into stanzas to separate the progression of it...

don't be afraid to move lines around. you might have the right words, in the right order, just in the wrong place. [not necessarily about this poem, just in general]

separating phrases can also have a fun impact, you can have the phrase that means what it says, but then you can separate it in into smaller phrases and they can mean something totally different. it's an easy way to say more than what the words read out to be.

thank you for sharing!

Answer 3

if you like it thats fine. but i think the general public will think this is a horrible faux impressionist style of poetry.

and i personally think it's horrible.

no offense to you, but thats my opinion.