Could you help me to refine my composition?Thanks for your kind help!?

Question

Topic:some people think stricter punishment for driving offenders is the only effective way to improve safety on the roads.To what extent do you agree or not?

In this day and age,with the advancement of residents' income and the road system,more and more people prefer going out by car.At the same time,the increasing amounts of driving offenders has been thrown into sharp relief.some people argue that the only effective way to curb this distubing phenomenon is to to impose stricter punishment on perpetrators.Unfortunately,I don't find my argument in this regard.

Admittedly,more sever penalty can decrease the incidence of accident to some degree.These punishements involving heay fines, eliminating the drving liscence or even jail terms will render most of the aggressive drives aware of the violating the traffic law.But unfortunately,At this moment,great traffic accident have already been triggered at the cost of great casualties,and even the whole life in some cases.

It must be stressed out that our ultimate aim of us is to deter the accident from happening,rather than to consider how strict punishment we will give to the driving offendes after the destructive accidents.

Therefore,it's imperative for the government to find the root canse of this phenomenon.First and foremost,It's the lack of awareness to comply with traffic laws that endangers the traffic accidents.Driving after drinking,as well as driving with tiredness are attributed to the desregard of traffic laws,which is caused by the scarce education on drivers and on youngersters.Hence,Educational institutions should play greater emphasis on instruction of obeying traffic laws and escaping skills from accidents.Last but not least,(?)the certificated system for driver licence is ought to be standarded(?) in case any inqualified drivers are on the road.

To conclude,I conced thar harsh penalty on driving offenders constitutes an effective way to deter irresponsable driving behavior.however,the rampant driving offense cannot be curbed by stiffer punishenment of driving offenders along.

Answer 1

Not sure how heavily you wanted the change, but here you go:

With the advancement of residents' income and the road system, in this day and age more and more people prefer traveling by car. At the same time, the increasing amount of driving offenses have been staggering. Some people argue that the only effective way to curb this disturbing phenomenon is to impose stricter punishment on perpetrators.

Unfortunately, I don't find my argument to agree in this regard. Admittedly, more severe penalties can decrease the incidence of accidents to some degree. These punishments - which can involve heavy fines, eliminating the offender's driving license or even jail terms - will render awareness amongst most of the aggressive drivers about violating traffic laws. But by such a stage great traffic accidents have already been triggered to the cost of great casualties and even fatalities.

It must be stressed out that our ultimate aim of to deter accidents from happening, rather than to consider how strict the punishment we will hand to the driving offenders should be after the destructive accidents.

Therefore it is imperative for the government to find the root cause of this problem. First and foremost, the lack of awareness to comply with traffic laws encourages traffic accidents. Driving under the influence, as well as driving while tired, are attributable to a disregard for traffic laws. This is caused by the scant education for drivers and youngsters. Hence, educational institutions should put greater emphasis on instruction towards obeying traffic laws and skills to avoid accidents. Last but not least, the certification system for driver licenses ought to be standardized,  in case any unqualified drivers are on the road.

To conclude, I concede that harsh penalties on driving offenders constitutes an effective way to deter irresponsible driving behavior. However, the rampant driving offense cannot be curbed by stiffer punishment alone.