Could you please correct English grammar mistakes in this letter? Urgent..?

Question

Dear x*x,

Thank you for the nice email to me. I feel relieved the money is there. Regarding the school placement, we'd like to take R.E Mountains Secondary School for Yujin. My husband said Yujin will have more chances to make friends from the school if she attends to a school that is close to our place. I agree this with him. Another reason that I want to take this school is that it would be better to have less Korean population at a school for Yujin to improve her English skills faster. I am fine if she makes Korean friends who speak Korean; however, it is the fact that they will speak Korean for themselves naturally when they hung out together. I literally agree with you that you said "I believe if she works hard she would succeed no matter what the school placement". The view of my philosophy is "depends on how we make it".

The reason I mentioned about freedom at school is because Korean school education system is criticized very much, even in Korea. I don't have any kids, so I don't know much about Canadian school system. I would appreciate if you could give me more school information and so on. I checked this site in order to know about IB program (http://www.ibo.org/diploma/index.cfm). I hope Yujin doesn't take this program because she will stay us until she completes her secondary school in Canada. We might also move up to north area in a couple of years, where Walnut Grove Secondary is. I think she will be fine speaking English at that time. I hope she will join regular classes that local students study in as soon as possible. However I think this program is an excellent program for an international student who wants to stay and study fewer years. I will consider this program if Yujin wants to go back to Korean in a short term. This is also a reason that I prefer this school. I respect her a lot because she is very mature girl. I want she will make a decision about her school in the future.

Could you please let me know when I will get an acceptance letter from the school district? I wonder if the district is waiting for our decision about a school placement. My husband told me that he can pick up the Acceptance Letter after finishing his work when it is ready. My sister and her daughter, Yujin, is looking forward to coming to Canada. Hopefully we will get the letter this week if possible.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Answer 1

Helpful tip -- you need to try to watch those really short sentences and try to give your writing a bit of flow to it. You can work on that some for yourself.

Answer 2

Dear x*x,

Thank you for the nice email you sent to me. I feel relieved the money is there. Regarding the school placement, we would like to send Yujin to R.E Mountains Secondary School . My husband said Yujin will have more chances to make friends if she attends a school that is close to our home and I agree with him. Another reason that I want her to attend this school is that it would be better to have less Korean population at a school for Yujin to improve her English skills faster. I think that it is fine if she makes Korean friends who speak Korean, however, it is the fact that they will speak Korean for themselves naturally when they interact with each other. I completely agree with you when you said "I believe if she works hard she would succeed no matter what the school placement". My philosophy is "it depends on how we make it".

The reason I mentioned freedom at school is because Korean school education system is criticized very much, even in Korea. I don't have any kids, so I don't know much about the Canadian school system. I would appreciate if you could give me more school information and any other available information. I checked this site in order to know about IB program (http://www.ibo.org/diploma/index.cfm). I hope Yujin doesn't take this program because she will stay with us until she completes her secondary school in Canada. We might also move up to north area in a couple of years, where Walnut Grove Secondary is. I think she may be speaking English at that time. I hope she will join regular classes that local students study as soon as possible. However I think this is an excellent program for an international student who wants to stay and study fewer years. I will consider this program if Yujin wants to go back to Korean in a short term which is also a reason that I prefer this school. I respect her deeply because she is a very mature girl. I presume she will make a decision about her school in the future.

Could you please let me know when I will get an acceptance letter from the school district? I wonder if the district is waiting for our decision about a school placement. My husband told me that he can pick up the Acceptance Letter after finishing his work when it is ready. My sister and her daughter, Yujin, are looking forward to coming to Canada. Hopefully we will get the letter this week if possible.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Answer 3

here is the revised version...

Thank you for the nice email to me. I feel relieved that the money is there. Regarding the school placement, we'd like to use R.E Mountains Secondary School for Yujin. My husband said Yujin will have more chances to make friends from the school if she attends a school that is close to our place. I agree with him. Another reason that I want to use this school is that it would be better to have less of a Korean population at a school for Yujin to improve her English skills faster. It is fine if she makes Korean friends who speak Korean; however, it is the fact that they will speak Korean among themselves naturally when they hang out together. I literally agree with you that you said "I believe if she works hard she would succeed no matter what the school placement". My philosophy is "it depends on how we make it".

The reason I mentioned freedom at school is because the Korean school education system is criticized very much, even in Korea. I don't have any kids, so I don't know much about the Canadian school system. I would appreciate it if you could give me more information about the school and so on. I checked this site in order to know more about the IB program (http://www.ibo.org/diploma/index.cfm)...... I hope Yujin doesn't take this program because she will stay with us until she completes her secondary school in Canada. We might also move up to the north area in a couple of years, where Walnut Grove Secondary is. I think she will be fine speaking English at that time. I hope she will join the regular classes that local students study in as soon as possible. However I think this program is an excellent program for an international student who wants to stay and study for fewer years. I will consider this program if Yujin wants to go back to Korea in a short time. This is also a reason that I prefer this school. I respect her a lot because she is a very mature girl. I want her to make a decision about her school in the future.

Could you please let me know when I will get an acceptance letter from the school district? I wonder if the district is waiting for our decision about a school placement. My husband told me that he can pick up the Acceptance Letter after finishing his work when it is ready. My sister and her daughter, Yujin, is looking forward to coming to Canada. Hopefully we will get the letter this week if possible.

I am looking forward to hearing from you,

hope that helps... there were a few parts though that i didn't correct because i didn't know the full context of the letter.

Answer 4

Hope this helps, it's just the first part.

Dear x*x,

Thank you for the thoughtful email. I am glad the money arrived. Regarding the school placement, we'd like to enroll Yujin in R.E Mountains Secondary School. My husband and I feel that Yujin will have more opportunities to make friends if she attends a school that is close to our home. We also feel that Yujin will learn English more rapidly if she attends a school with a smaller Korean population. I agree that she will succeed if she works hard, regardless of which school she attends, but we feel that R. E. Mountains will give her the best opportunity to succeed.

The reason I mentioned freedom at school is because the Korean education system is widely criticized, even in Korea. I am not familiar with the Canadian education system, and I would appreciate it if you could give me more information.