Could you please correct some English grammar mistakes I made in my letter?

Question

You can rewrite if you wish. Thank you all kinldy.

Dear DW, I found this note as shown above on the website of WG Secondary. I would like to tour the school next week if it is possible. Is anyone who can arrange the time for me to visit the school? I can make an appointment if I have to. If then, I hope that anyone in your office contacts the school office for me and let them know that I'd like to tour the school for my niece in their convenience time. I hope the time will be not too early in the morning since I still live in Vancouver. My husband and I will be the custodians for my niece, YJ. Once I got the Letter of Acceptance from L. School District, I will visit a Notary Office in Vancouver to get notarized the Custodian Agreement document. I have already received Notarized Custodian Appointment Letter from my sister by the Fax. I can send this notarized document to the office if the school district required. I look forward to hearing from you. Regards,

Answer 1

Dear DW,

I understand tours of the school are available and I would like to schedule one for next week, if possible. I live in Vancouver, so an afternoon appointment would be preferred. Please contact me at your convenience to make arrangements.

My husband and I will be the custodians for my niece, YJ. Once I receive the Letter of Acceptance from L. School District, I will get the Custodian Agreement document notarized. My sister faxed me a copy of the Notarized Custodian Appointment Letter. Please let me know if the school district needs a copy of this letter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Answer 2

Dear D.W.,

My husband and I are about to become custodians for my niece, YJ.  I learned about WG Secondary from its website, and I am interested in taking a tour of the school on her behalf, if possible.  

I am available to visit the school at any time (although preferably not too early in the morning, as we currently live in Vancouver).  May we set up an appointment?  If the school requires proof of our custodial status, I would be happy to send the Custodial Appointment letter to them.

Regards,

Answer 3

I used Microsoft Office Word and its spelling and grammar check for your letter.  This is what it suggests:  No spelling errors were noted and no grammatical errors.  Only the format itself could use some work....

Dear DW,

I found this note as shown above on the website of WG Secondary. I would like to tour the school next week if it is possible. Is anyone who can arrange the time for me to visit the school? I can make an appointment if I have to. If then, I hope that anyone in your office contacts the school office for me and let them know that I'd like to tour the school for my niece in their convenience time. I hope the time will be not too early in the morning since I still live in Vancouver. My husband and I will be the custodians for my niece, YJ. Once I got the Letter of Acceptance from L. School District, I will visit a Notary Office in Vancouver to get notarized the Custodian Agreement document. I have already received Notarized Custodian Appointment Letter from my sister by the Fax. I can send this notarized document to the office if the school district required. I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,