Could you please help check the following text?

Question

Please let me know if it is accurate and clear. Feel free to make any corrections. Thanks:

"Dear Ms. x*x,

Here I politely ask you for a paternity leave of seven days starting on September 19. I will resume my position as a teacher on September 26. Also, if it is possible, I would like to ask you to grant me my vacation pay (sept.2007-aug.2008) in order to help me cover maternity expenses.

(Here I want to add a gratitude expression, something like: I hope I can count with your help...Thanks...)"

Please help me finish it.

Answer 1

I'm hoping I can depend on your assistance, and I sincerely thank you.  Yours truly, your name.

.......help me cover my numerous maternity expenses. (Yours is fine too.)

Bless you and good luck!  :) Lynn

Answer 2

Dear Mrs x*x,

Please consider this my request for a paternity leave from September 19th to September 25, 2008, inclusive.  Additionally, the issuance of my vacation pay covering the period September, 2007 through August, 2008, in order to cover related expenses, would be most appreciated.



Thank you for your time and effort in this regard.

Sincerely,

(your name)

"inclusive" in the first sentence means from September 19th to and including September 25th (the 7 days you are requesting) but it sounds cleaner and more precise than your wording.

At the end, you could say: thank you "in advance" for you time, etc.... or thank you "for your anticipated cooperation in this regard", if you choose.