Could you please read and comment on my poem?

Question

In the beginning,

You wished to taint her innocence,

Spoil her soul.

I bet you never thought it become more than that.

Now,

Now what do you see,

When you look at her.

Do you savour her smiles?

The ones you once wished to ruin.

Do you long to breath in her scent?

That never rotting fragrance of summer on your skin.

Do you long for her eyes to regain that shine?

The one you sent away, long ago.

I wonder if you ever understood,

The effects you had on others.

Those who smothered you with affection

Those who drove you away.

When you tumbled into your own pit,

Full of isolation and despair.

Why did you wish to drag other with you?

O prince of darkness that you have become,

Is it to late for her voice to pull you out?

Answer 1

I like it an easy read but would make some changes ! I hope you don't mind a little helpful criticism! I would take one of the whys out really no need for 2 and the other thing is the last line I didn't care for I would leave the ending with the verse before the last one!

O prince of darkness what have you become !  OK other than that I really did like it!  Cheers !!!

Answer 2

I thought it was absolutely amazing! I also thought it had great deep, rich emotion and great imagery. :]

Answer 3

No thanks to someone else

another life is shattered

Before she was happy outgoing

innocence and her soul

But now that is tainted

The life spoiler

cares for only themself

not looking out for someone else

The smilies are gone

and so is the shine in her eyes

Answer 4

deep stuff man. Quite interesting but I couldnt get my head into the pattern and dpacing of it.  But then again Im not a big poetry fdan. I particularily liked the line about summers rotting fragrance on your skin. it makes me imagine someone rolling around naked in the grass and the due from the grass sticking to their body which leads niocely into the line about eyes regaining shine (to me that is shine as in tearing over). Cheers for the read!

Answer 5

i loveeeeed ittt!

it has a great meaning behind it.

Answer 6

Very original, really enjoyed it

Answer 7

I actually loved this.

There are a few spelling mistakes, but the imagrey was great.

It was very deep, Alot of emotion.

You can tell this poem means alot to you.

The flow could use a little work however.

In parts it seems too disconnected.

Overall, Very Good Poem :]